UNTITLED SCRIPT SERIES - EPISODE TEN

A WOMAN FOR ALL REASONS

BY PAUL CHANDLER AND NICK GOODMAN

EPISODE TEN: BAITED BREATH...

BY NICK GOODMAN

MAIN CHARACTERS

MATTHEW - AN ASSISTANT LIBRARIAN

BOB - A DEPUTY THEATRE MANAGER

DEBS - BOB'S WIFE

AUNTIE ALICE - DEB'S AUNT

EMILY - SENIOR LIBRARY CLERK

KIRSTEN - LIBRARY CLERK

OTHER CHARACTERS - TO BE UPDATED SOON 

THE STORY SO FAR:

MATT IS TRYING TO HELP HIS BEST FRIEND, BOB, THROUGH A WRITER'S BLOCK - INVOLVING HIM IN A LOCAL MYSTERY INVOLVING AN INHABITANT WHO APPEARS TO BE OVER-150 YEARS OLD... THEY BEGIN TO PIECE TOGETHER A NUMBER OF CLUES BY SPEAKING TO A RATHER ECCENTRIC LIBRARIAN CALLED EMILY - MEANWHILE, BOB'S WIFE - DEBS - ISN'T COPING SO WELL WITH HER HUSBAND GALLIVANTING AROUND THE TOWN AT ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT AND SHE HAS CONFIDED HER CONCERNS TO HER TRUSTY AUNT ALICE... MUCH TO DEBS'S DISMAY ALICE TAKES A FAR DEEPER INTEREST IN THE WHOLE MATTER THAN HAD BEEN EXPECTED - TRACING BOB AND MATT'S FOOTSTEPS TO TRY AND DISCOVER WHAT EXACTLY THEY HAVE BEEN UP TO!

SC.29. LIBRARY – NEVILLE’S OFFICE. DAY

(Emily sits in Neville’s office using his computer. She has a head set on and before her on the screen is an elaborate layer of applications including a POV video of Bob and Matt from a distance in the car park. Another is a list of people on an online chat room. The office door is ajar but not closed)

EMILY: (Into the headset) Well at least we know where to find them. Well done, your Honour.

MARQUIS OF HAMILTON: (VO) Do I go any nearer?

EMILY: No, I know where they’ll go. I have this show up on Neville’s PC.

MARQUIS: (VO) Make sure you close it down before Neville comes back or its both of us in the shit.

EMILY: That vacuous nerd wouldn’t know what’s on his computer.

MARQUIS: (VO) Where are they going anyway?

EMILY: A radio show. No prizes for guessing why! I happen to know the show; they’ve interviewed me in the past. Small-time boring hospital job. But tonight – the world is listening!!

MARQUIS: (VO) Why don’t we just tune in and learn the truth?

EMILY: I will be tuning in. but you and I know it won’t be the whole story. But it would be useful to know how far they have got.

MARQUIS: (VO) Why are they on there then?

EMILY: They want info from other people. We must know what other people are getting from this.

MARQUIS (VO) I’d rather not know! Can I go home?

EMILY: How did you ever get the nerve to make porn. You’re like a jittery child!

MARQUIS: (VO) So would you be if you stuck in it as far as me!

EMILY: I am. The only difference is I enjoy it.

[Clicking on Google] I’ve located where Bob and the girl live.

MARQUIS: (VO) What of it?

EMILY: They’ve all been home since last night. Unpacking. Downloading. The message, your Honour. The one the police failed to get out of that phone.

MARQUIS: (VO) Oh no!

EMILY: Just this one thing. Then home. And a piece of the glory I promise.

MARQUIS: (VO) Listen that’s breaking and entering. I can’t afford to be seen.

EMILY: Oh wear a disguise, your nobility!

[The door creaks open and Kirsten enters. Emily immediately collapses her screen and expands a list of books with tick boxes next to them]

Kirsten! Don’t you ever knock?

[Kirsten has changed slightly. Her cocky, weary indifferent attitude is replaced with a worried, contrite demeanour]

KIRSTEN: Sorry, the door was open. Where’s Neville?

EMILY: Regional meeting. He’ll be back by five. What do you want?

KIRSTEN: Er .. i just came in to sign for my overtime.

EMILY: Couldn’t it wait until tomorrow when you’re in?

KIRSTEN: Neville insisted today otherwise it’s too late.

EMILY: [Grumpily] He would. Hold on.

[With bad grace, Emily moves to the desk alongside the computer and searches through drawers with increasing frustration. Kirsten’s eyes stare at the computer screen. A low rumble of a distant radio show is heard]

KIRSTEN: Emily, I am sorry about last night. I was so tired. I realise there are things I can’t get involved with.

EMILY: [Without looking up] Some are born to greatness, others have greatness thrust upon them. Others just say ‘Err?’ You’ll learn. It’s academic anyway. The whole Walsh thing is a con.

KIRSTEN: [Softly] I hope so.

[Emily slaps the overtime sheet down. Kirsten picks up a pen and signs along the line]

EMILY: I shan’t be in tomorrow. The boiler is being disembowelled. I want you to concentrate on ‘Foreign Travel’. It’s a shambles.

KIRSTEN: Sure. I’ll be off.

EMILY: Okay. See you Monday. And close the door. If Tatum needs help she can call one of those muppets from Registration.

[Kirsten closes the door but, on the other side, she lingers, looking around. All is quiet. A girl is processing a customer’s printing. The customer is busy on her phone. Kirsten puts an ear to the door as discreetly as she can]

EMILY: [Back on headset] Sorry I was interrupted.

MARQUIS: [VO] Who by?

EMILY: Someone you really don’t want to meet.

MARQUIS: [VO] Who’s that?

EMILY: Kirsten. Your former star.

MARQUIS: [VO] The stroppy kid..

EMILY: You didn’t hire her for her sweet temperament.

MARQUIS: [VO] Did she hear you?

EMILY: You flatter yourself. You think she would recognise your voice after all this time?

MARQUIS: [VO] Well….

EMILY: Look, no more talk. I need to record that show. You need to get round to Deb and Bob’s house. I’ll text you the address.

MARQUIS: [VO] What am I doing there?

EMILY: Get in there. The message that old barm pot Alice recorded. It must have been downloaded at some point. If you can’t find anything in writing, nab the computer.

MARQUIS: [VO] On my own???

EMILY: Think! Improvise! You are a film maker, for Heaven’s sake!

MARQUIS: I am inspired by the naked form. Bums, boobs. Not burglary!

EMILY: Then imagine this house is a model you are undressing very slowly. Rip its clothes off and find what you’re looking form. Get gone. Report back soon.

[Emily clicks off]

Toffs!! One-bloody-track mind.

[Emily closes the POV application and enlarges one with a radio icon. She also clicks up one with a digital sound recorder, adjusts the settings and begins recording]

Now, let’s see what the boys know!

[By now Kirsten has glimpsed the scene through a crack in the door. She looks anxious. She quickly searches Emily’s reception desk . She looks through a book of addresses. She writes an address on the back of her hand then leaves quickly]

SC.30. RADIO STATION STUDIO. DAY.

[Bob and Matt sit in the Studio guest seats opposite Tim who is on air. Behind a glass panel, overlooking proceedings, is Pam watching the scene with increasing aggravation]

TIM: [In presenter mode] And there will be some more travel news at 3 o clock. But time now to meet my guests of the afternoon. Two gentlemen who are actually old friends of mine. We were at college together studying film making. That was 20 years ago, this is now. They don’t look any older. Will you please welcome Matt Lincoln and Bob Tully.

[Canned applause]

Guys, it’s so good to see you, how have you been keeping?

MATT: Bit tired at the moment Tim but then we’ve had an eventful couple of days.

TIM: So I heard. Some of which you can share with us this afternoon. Some, I understand, you can’t - for legal reasons.

BOB: Well we’re not sure you’ll believe us. Also there are a lot of names involved in our story. Some people might link up with others and – it could get nasty!

MATT: [Cagily, eyeing the glaring Pam in the control room] Well we shall see how we go.

TIM: Now stories are something you lads had a passion for, even back in the day. You always had some writing on the go. I was convinced you were going to be a kind of dual JK Rowling.

MATT: Aww well…

BOB: I’ve had writer’s block for ages now. So Matt- my loyal mate here – said lets go on a ..well…

TIM: A bear hunt?

BOB: An anything hunt. Let’s fall in love with writing again. Let’s get stuck in.

MATT: So we went to the library. I had a tip off.

[Pam furiously grabs a phone, dials and is seen speaking soundlessly to someone]

TIM: Now as I remember you were always writing science fiction stories. Am I right?

BOB: Love all that stuff. We so wanted to make it big.

MATT: But what we are uncovering - slowly but surely - might top any alien invasion!

BOB: So it all started with the local library.

MATT: Somewhere out there is a lady we need to find...

TIM: Tell me about it!

[Behind the glass, Pam slams the phone down and contemplates the controls before her. She fiddles with them]

BOB: Everyone is looking for this woman. She is very influential with a fascinating background.

MATT: She is tying the country in knots. It’s gone viral…

[The lights go out and the power is cut. Behind the glass, Pam straightens with a look of satisfaction]

TIM: I’m sorry about this. I'm not sure what's going on - everything’s suddenly gone kaput.

MATT: Rather suspicious if you ask me. Just as we were getting in our stride.

TIM: Oh come on lads.

BOB: Matt’s right. Someone wants us to shush.

TIM: The question is can I …wait a minute.

[Tim pulls out an extension lead and fiddles under the desk. He then takes the lead and plugs it into a control panel on the other side of the room. He laughs in triumph as the lights and power return]

[To Bob and Matt] I didn’t tell you the other course I took when we were at the old place, Electrical engineering!

[Behind the glass, Pam looks in disbelief and then slumps, head in hands]

[Tim presses the red ’Live’ button]

TIM: [To microphone] Ladies and gentlemen, I can only apologise for the hiccup. We’re back!

[To Bob and Matt] Boys, you were saying?

MATT: I’m saying about Miss Walsh. Local pillar of society. A long time ago...

BOB: What we don’t know is what happened to her. For some reason a lot of people want to stop us from finding out.

[Tim looks across his controls as a red incoming call light flashes]

TIM: Well, you know I gave your story a great deal of thought. I felt it might be useful if we got some input from our listeners. From out there in the ether as it were.

[Bob and Matt exchange uneasy looks]

BOB: Oooookay, what kind of input?

TIM: We have someone on the line who tells me they can shed a little light on your mission.

MATT: Tim, you mean you told the listeners about our mission before the show???

TIM: [Genuinely bemused] I gave them a bit of a hint yes.

MATT: [To Bob] I bloody well knew this was a mistake!!

TIM: [A mite uneasy how things are turning] Well, we have our caller on the line now. Hello caller, would you like to tell us a little about yourself.

[The voice is elderly, firm and female]

VOICE: Good afternoon boys. I’m delighted to be speaking to you at last. Or at least having a two way conversation. My name is Constance Walsh.

[All look stunned]

SC.31. BOB AND DEB’S LOUNGE. DAY.

(The Front door opens onto the lounge and in staggers Debs and Alice. Between them is a weary CB, dressed in a Groucho Marx rubber mask with handcuffs dangling from his wrist. All breathe a sigh]

DEBS: [To CB] Well, you had us round to yours, the least we could do is return the compliment.

CB: Does that count? You weren’t invited.

ALICE: We’ll call it quits. You did arrange a cosy chat with the police for us.

CB: Yes, sorry about that, Gran. That was Emily stirring things up. I was on "Planet Zog"; a radio channel for her Walshship.

DEBS: [Taking her coat off] Well at least we got the message. CB, do take that mask off. You’re safe now.

CB: [Peeling mask off] I am?

ALICE: No one has penetrated our safe haven yet.

DEBS: Auntie, that almost sounded obscene.

ALICE: [To CB] Would you like a cup of tea, dear?

CB: Just a glass of water please.

[Alice leaves the room to fetch some water]

DEBS: [To CB] So what possessed you to handcuff yourself to a filing cabinet?

CB: The council. They’re in on it. Like the cops.

DEBS: In on what?

CB: The Walsh gig.

[Looking round]

A plaque. An acting pal of mine, Darcy told me it had dates.

DEBS: dates?

CB: End dates! She’s dead! Darcy says so.

DEBS: Did you see this?

CB: No, the plaque has changed. A new plaque. One with no dates on. There a mammoth cover up here.

DEBS: But…but we know she’s alive!

[Alice enters the room with tea tray but freezes in her tracks]

ALICE: DEBS! Auntie is telling you to keep Mum!

[Alice stares in alarm, beyond Debs, at the curtain]

CB: Oh come on I’m on your side!

DEBS: What’s up Auntie?

ALICE: Walls have ears. But more importantly, they have trainers!

[Alice points. Everyone follows her point. A pair of trainers are seen underneath the curtain. Everyone jumps back. The curtain swishes back to reveal a tall figure with a Donald Trump rubber mask. He holds in one hand a small box – a dismantled hard-drive of the computer. Debs looks over at the computer and sure enough there is a ragged hole in the middle of it! In his other hand, the figure holds a hammer]

BURGLAR: No-one move – or the drive gets it!

DEBS: [Pointing] Look what you’ve done to my PC!!

BURGLAR: [Insincerely] I'm really sorry - but I'm afraid it was necessary.

[Waving the box] Now I need what’s in this!

ALICE: And what is that?

BURGLAR: Oh, come on lady. The message. You must have downloaded the message.

DEBS: You aren’t making any sense.

[The figures move further into the room as he grows bolder]

BURGLAR: It’s a rush job, I know - but I really do need you to tell me what that message said.

CB: Well, at least he hasn’t threatened us.

BURGLAR: Shut up Groucho. When I’ve finished with the hard drive, I may still go for the soft option!

CB : [Backing with a squeak] He isn’t from Walsh. She would not have condoned clobbering people.

ALICE: [To Burglar] Aren’t you a bit posh to be a burglar? Fallen on hard times?

BURGLAR: Let’s just say it’s complicated!

ALICE: Let’s just say that’s life!

BURGLAR: Let me pass. Someone wants this badly.

ALICE: Why don’t you just ask? I have it written down.

DEBS: Auntie!

ALICE: Would you rather have your precious memory smashed to bits?

BURGLAR: Written WHERE?

ALICE: Why, it’s here...

[Picking up a notebook]

Here we are.

[Alice gets nearer. The intruder raises a hammer]

BURGLAR: It’s a trick! Put that down and let me pass.

[Alice rolls her eyes and lets the notebook flutter from her grasp. She looks witheringly at Debs]

ALICE: I tried. Debs, you saw me try.

[To Burglar] Now look here young Trump. We will overlook your presidency if you leave the drive here and say no more about it.

BURGLAR: You half-demented woman! This is my ticket!

CB: To what exactly?

BURGLAR: You could not even begin to…

[The doorbell rings. The intruder jumps out of his skin. CB leaps up and wrestles the hard drive. The intruder raises his hammer, more to ward him away rather than hurt him but Debs has his hammer arm. CB wrenches the hard drive free. Debs and Alice pull the burglar down on his knees]

ALICE: Now Scooby Doo, eat your heart out! We shall see who this presidential upstart is ...

[Alice goes to pull the mask off but pauses]

Wait a minute…

[Alice gives the intruder the Vs and blows a raspberry]

Up yours, Mr President! Sorry folks, I couldn’t resist.

[The mask is pulled off revealing a dishevelled Marquis of Hamilton, looking embarrassed]

And who the hell are you?

[There is now an urgent knocking on the door]

DEBS: [Nodding to CB] Better get the door.

[CB opens the door to a desperate Kirsten]

KIRSTEN: I was too late! I’m sorry I overheard Emily sending him here.

ALICE: And who might ‘him’ be?

KIRSTEN: ‘His Honour’ the Marquis of Hamilton. Film maker and wheeler dealer.

MARQUIS: Who is this little brat?

KIRSTEN: [Walking closer] Sorry your Grace, last time we met I had my clothes off!

ALICE: Marquis!

DEBS: So that explains the disguise.

[Kirsten walks right up to him]

KRISTEN: It was ‘Bored Belinda’ wasn’t it? Straight to download. I was sixteen and needed the money.

MARQUIS: Come to that, so did I. You went in eyes wide open.

KIRSTEN: I had to - there was more than me to think about. I was pregnant if you must know.

DEBS: [To Marquis] I would say you’ve been caught with your trousers down - but you might enjoy that! Either way we have you by ‘em!!

MARQUIS: Emily holds the cards. She can ruin me.

ALICE: So help us or we will too.

MARQUIS: You don’t understand she can flip an embargo on a certain YouTube video just...

[Snapping fingers] like that! She knows how to pull police strings too!

DEBS: What is going on?

MARQUIS: All I now is that it is some kind of treasure hunt. But all together stranger. This lady is turning the country upside down.

DEBS: But it’s all covert. All online based. Why has it stayed that way?

KIRSTEN: Speaking of which, your blokes have gone on the radio to talk about all this.

CB: The idiots! That is going to cause chaos.

ALICE: Not like handcuffing yourself to the council filing cabinet.

CB: No one saw. Come to that, no one cared!

ALICE: Debs, can we tune in on this programme?

MARQUIS: It’s no good, it will all be over by now.

ALICE: Shut up your sleaziness and make yourself useful.

[Alice takes a screwdriver from a drawer and hands it to the Marquis]

You can jolly well put that hard drive back in Deb’s computer you little vandal!

DEBS: [Fiddling with her phone] I can get it on my phone. What’s show is it, Kirst?

KIRSTEN: It’s the local hospital Drive Time show. I think the guy’s name is Tim?

CB: I know Tim. I used to radio ham with him.

KIRSTEN: [Vague] Is that so?

[CB takes Deb’s phone]

CB: Here - I’ll find it.

ALICE: I’ll switch on the blue rinse speaker.

DEBS: Tooth!

ALICE: Tooth?

MARQUIS: Blue tooth.

ALICE: [To Marquis] Trust you to know something blue!

[Debs leaves CB to fiddle with phone and switches on a speaker on a book case. There is a warble and the show comes across clearly on the speakers. An elderly voice halts them all]

VOICE: Ah at last. You worked it out, eh Alice? You always were a game bird. So we’re all here. My two intrepid boys. My two intrepid girls. That scarecrow from the rail hut. The naughty public schoolboy. At last I have your attention!

END OF EPISODE TEN: 14/12/18

FACT FILE

Writing on this chapter was very delayed due to a rush of final work on a book that I was writing and Paul contributed to (submitting his piece in 2014) called Life After…Magnet Memories. With the manuscript submitted in mid-November, I was then free to work on chapter ten, completing the first draft on 14^th December 2018. This far into the story I re-read the last four chapters to ensure continuity points were maintained. I was keen to use the radio interview to brings things to a head and use Emily’s pursuit using the erstwhile disgraced Marquis in a slightly more dramatic way (despite the humour). The Groucho Marx disguise originated from a conversation I had with my sister in the summer (as desperate light relief after arranging our mum’s funeral) critically dissecting The Teddy Bear’s picnic and pondering what disguise the narrator suggests people take to spy on the picnic! I was also keen to develop the plot points we have learnt so far. In addition to Paul’s more recent experience with radio, I was a hospital radio DJ myself in 1997 and, like Tim, was faced with some internal resistance to the show I presented.

UNTITLED SCRIPT SERIES - EPISODE NINE

A WOMAN FOR ALL REASONS

BY PAUL CHANDLER AND NICK GOODMAN

EPISODE NINE: SPIN ME ROUND...

BY PAUL CHANDLER

MAIN CHARACTERS

MATTHEW - AN ASSISTANT LIBRARIAN

BOB - A DEPUTY THEATRE MANAGER

DEBS - BOB'S WIFE

AUNTIE ALICE - DEB'S AUNT

EMILY - SENIOR LIBRARY CLERK

KIRSTEN - LIBRARY CLERK

OTHER CHARACTERS - TO BE UPDATED SOON 

THE STORY SO FAR:

MATT IS TRYING TO HELP HIS BEST FRIEND, BOB, THROUGH A WRITER'S BLOCK - INVOLVING HIM IN A LOCAL MYSTERY INVOLVING AN INHABITANT WHO APPEARS TO BE OVER-150 YEARS OLD... THEY BEGIN TO PIECE TOGETHER A NUMBER OF CLUES BY SPEAKING TO A RATHER ECCENTRIC LIBRARIAN CALLED EMILY - MEANWHILE, BOB'S WIFE - DEBS - ISN'T COPING SO WELL WITH HER HUSBAND GALLIVANTING AROUND THE TOWN AT ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT AND SHE HAS CONFIDED HER CONCERNS TO HER TRUSTY AUNT ALICE... MUCH TO DEBS'S DISMAY ALICE TAKES A FAR DEEPER INTEREST IN THE WHOLE MATTER THAN HAD BEEN EXPECTED - TRACING BOB AND MATT'S FOOTSTEPS TO TRY AND DISCOVER WHAT EXACTLY THEY HAVE BEEN UP TO!


SC. 26.  BOB'S LIVING ROOM, LATE MORNING

(Back at Bob and Deb's house Matt is sitting quietly in the living room, deep in thought - he holds an old school notepad and a biro and keeps scribbling things down every minute or two; occasionally he glances out the window and down towards the back garden. It is very quiet in the house and one might almost think that he was alone - however just then in walks Bob, curious as to what his friend is up to.)

BOB: (somewhat confused)

Where's everybody gone?

MATT: (unsure)

Oh, I dunno... I really don't... I have no idea what's going on around here at the moment... To be honest I should probably go back to my flat and do some washing...

BOB:

Do you have work?

MATT: (not sounding at all guilty)

I'm on leave... It was all a bit short notice - but they were fine about it; they're always on at me to take it or I'll lose it...

BOB:

Same here... Well, there's no need for you to rush off... Hmm... I wonder where Debs is...

MATT:

Did you try calling her!?

BOB: (distracted, slightly ratty, then mellowing)

I did... Of course... No reply... I rather suspect that the ladies have their own mission...

MATT: (sounding a little cynical)

Well, yeah - except their mission originally started out as our mission - but now they seem to have taken it up as their own...

BOB: (curious for his opinion)

They do, rather; but they're not discussing it with us... So, what next?

MATT: (chuckling)

It's war!

BOB: (unsure)

Really?

MATT: (boldy, but with humour)

Of course... If they want to keep secrets then let them keep secrets - we'll just do our own thing and follow up our own leads...

BOB:

Make a competition of it, you mean?

MATT:

Maybe... I suppose so, yeah...

BOB: 

Hmm... I'm just worried that things have already got pretty heavy... This isn't a game; you must realise that after what's happened so far... What if the ladies get themselves into trouble?

MATT: (interjecting)

What if WE get ourselves into trouble for that matter ...

BOB: (nodding in agreement)

Which is probably more likely...

MATT: (resignedly)

Well, they don't seem to care much about that...

BOB: (hopeful)

Perhaps they'll change their mind and decide to share stuff in the next day or so...

MATT: (mutters)

I wouldn't bet on it...

BOB: (almost nervously)

Well, no... but... So, do we have a plan or?

MATT: (enthusiastically)

Oh yes... Yes! We have a plan!

BOB:

Thank goodness for that, at least! And what does that involve, may I ask?

MATT: (excitedly)

We're going out on the airwaves...

BOB: (taken aback)

We're doing WHAT!?!

MATT:

Hospital radio, Bob... My friend Tim fills in on a show every Wednesday... Drive-time...

BOB:

Oh... I'm not sure about that, Matt... I'm a bit nervous with speaking... Wednesday is now... Today!

MATT: (not really listening to Bob's concerns)

Yes, yes, indeed... We'll be leaving in about an hour, mate - we're going to broadcast to the nation...

BOB: (surprised)

Do that many people listen to hospital radio? Sick people, I guess...

MATT: (trying not to be too preachy)

No... No... No... You're behind the times, Bob - it's all digital; anyone can listen on the internet...

BOB: (attempting to catch up)

Oh... Okay... And then what? We're hoping that somebody out there might be able to help us with our little problem?

MATT: (confidently)

Yeah... Why not? Somebody is bound to be listening...

BOB: (slightly teasing)

Really? You sound surprisingly sure of that fact...

MATT: (assuredly)

I have a feeling, that's all...

BOB: (attempting a winning smile)

Well, I'm glad to hear it - which hopefully means that you can do all the talking, because quite frankly I have no idea whatsoever as to what we should say or what we're even looking for...

MATT: (concerned)

I hope you don't mean that, Bob...

BOB: (sounding stressed)

My head is in a complete spin, Matt - I've not been sleeping... I can't concentrate...

MATT: (taking charge)

It's fine, Bob - I know you hate public speaking... You just need to come with me for support and I'll say all the important stuff... Come on! Get that coffee drunk - get a slice of toast down your neck - get dressed and then we need to get out...

BOB: (his interest growing renewed)

Alright! Alright... Now I think about it - I have so many questions...

MATT: (pleased)

Good! You can ask them on the way there...

BOB IS ABOUT TO SPEAK - BUT MATT HAS HEADED BACK INTO THE KITCHEN...

SC. 27.  INT. THE RADIO STATION, EARLY AFTERNOON

(The scene begins at a radio station - but we do not yet recognise these characters... We meet Tim, who is the host of the show that Bob and Matt will be going on - Pam is the show's producer...)

TIM: (excitedly)

You know what, Pam - I really can't wait for tonight's episode... It'll be a good one, I think...

PAM: (chuckling)

Hmm... But don't you always say that every week, Timothy dear?

TIM: (resignedly)

Maybe... Maybe... But I mean it this time...

PAM: (bluntly)

It's just our ratings have been dropped quite dramatically of late and I can't help but think that your choice of guests has been partly responsible for this...

TIM: (hurt)

Pam! I'm shocked that you'd say that...

PAM: (trying to reason with him)

Oh - come on... You've got to admit that we've been scraping the barrel a bit of late as far as guests are concerned...

TIM: (still cross)

Well, that's charming, isn't it? When did you last invite a guest on the show?

PAM: (slightly ashamed)

Hmm... About five years ago... That chum of mine from the Teddy Bear Museum...

TIM: (calmer)

Oh yes... I remember him... Edmund something... I think I went to school with him... Still - that was a pretty interesting conversation now you remind me... But FIVE YEARS AGO!

PAM: (attempting to be helpful)

At least I'm realistic enough to realise that nobody else that I know has anything interesting to say... You need to go on social media... Set up a Facebook page or something - get people to suggest interesting people that we can have on the show...

TIM: (prickling again)

Well, if you know so much about it... And what's more - I do still have a day job to hold down; free-lance or not...

PAM: (breezily)

I don't want to start an argument - I know you're busy; aren't we all... I just think that you need to admit that the standard of guests on your show have been pretty poor of late...

TIM: (suddenly remembering)

What about Emily? She was talking about bell ringing - that was only last month ...

PAM: (trying not to sound too critical)

She was trying to crowdfund our audience to pay for the repairs to her frayed bell ropes, if you recall - that's pretty much all she went on about...

TIM: (disappointed/apologetic)

Well... If we can help... I mean at least she showed up... It gave us a show... I did try to steer the questions into slightly different areas of interest - but she kept going back to money...

PAM: (sad/attempting to reason with him)

Nonsense... Accept it; we're behind the times... Have you seen the audience download figures lately?

TIM: (dismissing her)

Oh, I never pay any attention to stuff like that...

PAM:

That's more than clear to everyone... You really should, you know...

TIM: (more level now, but still hopeful)

Well, maybe I should... Anyway... I don't know why you're so worried - I can vouch for the guys that are coming tonight - I've known them for decades; more of less...

PAM: (her interest piqued) 

You KNOW them? You never said that...

TIM: (slightly vague)

Yeah... Yeah... Went to college with them - night class - film studies - about 20 years ago...

PAM:

Oh... So is that what you'll be talking about? Old films or something?

TIM:

I'm not really sure, to be honest... We haven't really discussed it...

PAM: (frustratedly)

You invited them as guests - but you never discussed what you're going to talk about? You do know that we start the show in less than an hour...

TIM: (beginning to ramble)

Sure... Sure... Well, originally I had planned just to make tonight's show me reading some of my poems interspersed with a few song choices by listeners - but then I got this email from Matt asking if I had a free guest slot for tonight... I emailed him a couple of months ago suggesting that he come on - maybe with Bob but I hadn't heard from him; he's always pretty busy...

PAM: (coolly)

How accommodating of you...

TIM: (with wavering positivity)

Well, I guess Matt must have something exciting to say if he got in touch like this...

PAM:

We can only hope so...

TIM: (finally losing his temper)

I don't know why you're being like this, Pam - is this some kind of passive aggressive way of telling me that someone somewhere involved in this station doesn't want me here any more; you for instance...

PAM: (remaining relatively calm)

I never said that, Tim dear... But believe me when I say that there are people out there who have an eye on your show - this radio station even; people with ambition and quite probably more money than sense...

TIM: (pushy)

You know something... What's going on here!?

PAM: (cutting him off)

I don't want to discuss it... I should probably leave you to choose your records now...

TIM: (calling after her - still annoyed)

You do know that we went digital about five years ago, right?

(But Pam does not reply - she heads for the door saying nothing - Tim looks distressed)

PAM... PAM!!! PAM!?! HEY... WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

(But there is no reply)

SC. 28.  INT. RADIO STUDIO, LATE AFTERNOON

(Meanwhile, Bob and Matt are arriving just outside - Matt is driving and parks in one of the designating parking spaces set aside for visitors to the radio station)

MATT: (apologetically)

I'm afraid we're a little early...

BOB: (positive)

Better late than never, I guess...

MATT:

I'm sorry... Attack of the nerves...

BOB: (surprised)

What are you nervous about exactly?

MATT: (with nervous excitement)

Oh... You know... It's the radio... It's a big deal... I don't want to come over sounding stupid...

BOB: (slightly sarcastically)

Are you sure this is a good idea, mate? I mean - if it makes you so nervous; it can't be good for the blood pressure...

MATT: (not noticing the sarcasm and responding unaware)

No, no... Not at all... I'll be just fine... After all you'll be there to encourage me...

BOB: (distracted)

I hope you don't expect me to say much... I'll nod and smile - but that's about it...

MATT: (taking his turn to be sarcastic!)

Which always works so well on the radio, of course...

BOB: (casually)

Oh well, you know what I mean - I'll make all the right approving sounds and maybe grunt a bit - introduce myself if I really must - that sort of thing...

MATT:

You're a pal, Bob - how WOULD I do it without you?

BOB: (distracted)

I'm not sure you'd notice if I was there or I wasn't - to be honest... Uh oh... I can feel vibrations!

MATT: (surprised)

That's weird... So can I... It's my phone, I think - at least I hope it is...

BOB: (in agreement)

Mine too...

THEY BOTH TAKE OUT THEIR MOBILE PHONES - HOLDING THEM OUT IN FRONT OF THEM - STARING AT THE LIT SCREENS - NEITHER MAN ANSWERS THEIR DEVICE...

MATT: (curious)

Who is it? Debs?

BOB: (with a grin)

Yes! How did you guess?

MATT: (drily, with a chuckle)

How did I guess that it's your wife calling you, Bob? Why! I'm clairvoyant!

BOB: (distracted)

I'm not sure who's calling me... It's a library number...

MATT:

To be fair we're actually really busy right now - we probably ought to go into the station...

BOB: (with a grin)

After all - that's what an answer phone is for... Taking messages...

MATT: (cutting the phone ring off)

DONE!

BOB: (nervously)

Debs is going to kill me... Done! I'm switching it off...

MATT:

Just say you had no reception...

BOB:

If she needs me she knows where I am... She'll probably ring the station in the middle of the show to ask what I want for dinner - just to irritate me...

MATT:

We can only hope... (he nods towards the station) Shall we go in?

BOB: (gingerly)

Go on then... Let's...

AFTER A MOMENT THE TWO OF THEM HEAD FOR THE ENTRANCE - PAM IS WATCHING THEM FROM HER OFFICE, TIM GREETS THEM AT THE DOOR - BUT SOMEBODY ELSE IS ALSO WATCHING FROM THE CAR PARK - FILMING EVERYTHING WITH A PHONE... 

END OF EPISODE NINE

It took me a while to get down to writing this episode after I'd received episode eight - partly because I was busy with my podcast and partly because about four different books that I had been working on for 2-3 years which all came close to being completed around the same time during the summer of 2018. In the end I finished the third scene on Tuesday 21st August 2018 before sending it on to Nick. I decided that I'd like to set the episode at a radio station because around this time I was reading my poems on our local Radio Wey every other month. The character of Pam was named after Pam Goodman, Nick's mum - because she sadly passed away during the time that I was writing this episode and I wanted to somehow mark that in the script. The end of the episode reminds me a little of the end of episode 1 of Dr Who's Greatest Show In The Galaxy - in which the Doctor and his companion, Ace are about to enter the Psychic Circus - unsure what lies ahead of them; whereas here Matt and Bob aren't quite sure what lies in store within the radio station.

UNTITLED SCRIPT SERIES - EPISODE EIGHT

A WOMAN FOR ALL REASONS

BY PAUL CHANDLER AND NICK GOODMAN

EPISODE EIGHT: I HEARD A RUMOUR...

BY NICK GOODMAN

MAIN CHARACTERS

MATTHEW - AN ASSISTANT LIBRARIAN

BOB - A DEPUTY THEATRE MANAGER

DEBS - BOB'S WIFE

AUNTIE ALICE - DEB'S AUNT

EMILY - SENIOR LIBRARY CLERK

KIRSTEN - LIBRARY CLERK

OTHER CHARACTERS - TO BE UPDATED SOON 

THE STORY SO FAR:

MATT IS TRYING TO HELP HIS BEST FRIEND, BOB, THROUGH A WRITER'S BLOCK - INVOLVING HIM IN A LOCAL MYSTERY INVOLVING AN INHABITANT WHO APPEARS TO BE OVER-150 YEARS OLD... THEY BEGIN TO PIECE TOGETHER A NUMBER OF CLUES BY SPEAKING TO A RATHER ECCENTRIC LIBRARIAN CALLED EMILY - MEANWHILE, BOB'S WIFE - DEBS - ISN'T COPING SO WELL WITH HER HUSBAND GALLIVANTING AROUND THE TOWN AT ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT AND SHE HAS CONFIDED HER CONCERNS TO HER TRUSTY AUNT ALICE... MUCH TO DEBS'S DISMAY ALICE TAKES A FAR DEEPER INTEREST IN THE WHOLE MATTER THAN HAD BEEN EXPECTED - TRACING BOB AND MATT'S FOOTSTEPS TO TRY AND DISCOVER WHAT EXACTLY THEY HAVE BEEN UP TO! 

SC. 23.  DEB'S LIVING ROOM, DAY

(It is morning at long last. Deb is slumped in a chair asleep, so tired she never made it to bed. Alice enters in a dressing gown, fresh as a posy and holding a cup of tea which she offers to Deb. She shakes her niece awake with her free hand)

ALICE:   Wakey, wakey, sleepy bunny. I've brought you a cuppa.

DEB:  (Stirring, stretching) uh wah! What time is it?

ALICE:  7 O'clock.

DEB: Oh Aunty, I've only been asleep two hours!

ALICE:  We've work to do.

DEB:  Oh dear, have we?

ALICE:  My grey matter has been buzzing after last night.

DEB:  (Hugging a pillow) It’s like a bad dream We should never have got involved!

ALICE:  There are still questions to be answered. Where do you keep your laptop?

DEB:  (Without looking up) Oh is that all, I could have told you that any time. It’s in the cupboard by the telly. What are you doing?

ALICE:  That message. We must decode it. I have the oddest feeling if the police haven't finished with us, neither have other people.

(Matt enters in a dressing gown, half asleep)

DEB:  Oh Matt, be a love and make us some breakfast. Bacon and eggs? It’s all in the fridge.

MATT:  Yes me lady!

(Matt walks sleepily back out to the kitchen. He and Bob pass, barely aware of each other. He too is zonked)

ALICE:  (Reaching into the cupboard and pulling out the laptop) Bob, spare room. Deb still has a Girl Guide book I gave her

(Looking at Deb)

At least I think you have.

(Debs nods)

Please can you go and get it.

BOB:  Whatever for?

ALICE:  (Sitting at the table and switching on the laptop) You’ll see.

(Bob stumbles off)

DEB:  “Whatever for?” would be my question too!

ALICE:  (Impatiently, signing in) Morse code. It’s from the same time as our friend Miss Walsh.

DEB:  (Moving closer) Did you know her?

ALICE:  Mmm?

DEB:  Aunty, you seem to be throwing yourself into this mystery. When you talked to that crystal set that send CB curly wurly...

ALICE:  Yes?

DEB: Well, you seemed to know who you were talking to.

ALICE: (Feigning innocence) Did I?

(Alice turns back to the computer as she logs on)

Well I'm like that. I'm well-disposed to people. Even the great disembodied.

(Bob enters with a moth-eaten Girl Guiding book and place sit on the table)

BOB: There it is. I don't know why, but there is it.

ALICE:  Splendid. It’s for Morse Code.

BOB:  But are you sure it was?

ALICE:  (Holding up fingers in the Girl Guide salute) What do you think?

DEB:  Is the Internet on, love?

BOB:  It's never off, you make sure of that.

DEB:  Good isn’t it? That Aunty and I are helping with your mystery.

BOB:   Actually Deb, to tell you the truth..

ALICE:  Yes...

BOB:  Nothing. I'll just check Facebook on my phone

DEB:  Matt is making us all a spot of breakfast. (Stretching) Can we put the news on, Aunty?

ALICE:  (Staring hard at the laptop screen) No! I need absolute quiet to concentrate. Now, with luck, my email will have come through.

BOB:  (Looking up) Email?

DEB: Yes. I did tell you last night. Before we were herded away. Aunty emailed herself the sound file to her Google account then deleted the original.

BOB:  Ah, we hoped you'd do something like that.

ALICE:  Then we must delete this version after we decoded it.

BOB:  Because of the police?

ALICE:  I think they will be licking their wounds after last night. Contrary to popular belief, they do need a valid reason to burst in.

BOB: So we're safe.

ALICE:  No one is safe online any more. Security, Malaware, the whole boiling lot. I get the distinct impression there is someone very clever on our trail.

DEB: Who?

ALICE:  Well, I wouldn’t trust that madam Emily. Bit tool sharp for her own good that one. I'd like to know what's she up to.

BOB:  We’re way ahead of her, that's for sure.

DEB:  I wonder.

ALICE:  (Reaching here emails and opening them) Here we are.

(Clicking the vital email)

Sound file. It’s okay. Now Deb, I need something to write with.

BOB:  (Passing Alice a pen) Allow me!

(Alice takes the pen and clicks in)

ALICE:  Right, total silence whilst I listen

(The audio file sounds out. There is a crackle and oscillation and the sound of a Morse beat can be heard. Alice scribbles down what she hears, referencing the book. There is a notification sound alert from Bob’s phone. Alice hisses as she writes. A few seconds later, Matt drops something hot in the kitchen and expletives can be heard. Alice mutters “Silence” under her breath. The message continues for several minutes. Then it stops. Alice scans through what she has read and double checks with her Guide book)

BOB:  (To Deb) Can we talk yet?

ALICE:  (Absorbed by her work) No, I’ll say when.

(Deb and Bob exchange “That told us” looks and Alice studies what she has put down. More mobile notification alerts sound out)

Bob!

BOB: I can’t help it! The world and his wife seem to have sent me a message. I’ll put it on silent.

(Matt comes through the door with cooked breakfast)

MATT:  Come and get it!

(Everyone shushes Matt, who shrugs and put the plates on the table)

Well, I’m starting.

(Bob and Deb move to the table and start to eat, all the time watching Alice. She eventually turns, her face creased in thought)

ALICE:   Okay, it goes something like this…”…Why else would I be doing this. I am the life blood and the pulse. I need you. Lots of eyes but not many hearts. Everyone wants but not many give. I am reaching. The way is fuzzy. Who is that man? What does he want? Lead. Follow. There is a world to hold together. Above all, avoid…”

(There is a stunned silence)

DEB:  Avoid what?

ALICE:  That’s when Madam arrived with the police.

(More thoughtful faces)

Well, leave some brekkers for me.

(Alice joins them at the table. A curious Bob is checking Facebook on his phone)

DEB:  Bob! Manners! Can’t you just eat!

BOB:  Sorry I just want to see who needs me so badly (Checking) Friend request! Dozens of them! Who are these people? Never heard of them. There aren’t even any mutual friends. Do I know a Georgio?

SC. 24.  REFERENCE LIBRARY, DAY

(Back to the library. Emily is sat at her desk, glaring at her computer, very tired and very fed up. She mutters to herself and hops between Goggle and social media. Neville, head librarian, pops his head round the door of his office. He is a non-descript, worried looking man in his early fifties)

NEVILLE:  Emily, you’re not using Facebook again. I want that cataloguing finished today. You’ve had three weeks.

EMILY:  (Without looking up) That’s why Kirsten was seconded to us.

NEVILLE:  (Closing his eyes) Not quite.

EMILY:  Well why else is she with us?

NEVILLE:  (Tightly) She is supposed to be doing all the tasks that haven’t been attended to since…since you’ve been promoted!

EMILY: (A little too hotly and a little too loudly) Look, this is important. There is something I’m missing!

NEVILLE:  (Raising an eyebrow) Research?

EMILY:  Yes, if you like!

(Many of the silent readers sshhh Emily. But one or two remain looking at her, a look of curious recognition coming over them)

NEVILLE:  I’ll leave you to it.

(Neville disappears into his office. Emily looks at two simultaneously displayed screens, one to the other in mounting bafflement, alarm and frustration. She fails to notice a figure enter the library: shades, raincoat, trilby, trying and failing to look inconspicuous. The figure moves stealthily around the wall of the room until it reaches Emily’s desk. It then ducks down under her desk and shuffles to towards her. Only then does she notice it)

EMILY: Can I help you?

(The figure hurriedly removes its sunglasses. He is an arrogant looking, finely boned man in his mid-20s. Emily recognises him instantly and warms into a smug smile)

MAN:  (Harsh whisper) It’s me!!

EMILY:  Well, well, well! So you’ve got interested in reading again have you?

MAN:  You’ve got to help me!

EMILY:  You ran away remember. Not up to it. It was all too freaky.

MAN: This is different, my whole world has gone mad!

EMILY: Go and read something. I’m not interested!

MAN: I’ve had death threats!!

EMILY:  (Interested, despite herself) Really? Why?

MAN:  People know I’m involved. Or was involved. They know everything about me!

EMILY:  What are you babbling about?

MAN:  Death threats from the parents of girls I’ve worked with.

(Emily ducks under the desk and the two confront face to face on haunches, talking in arch whispers)

EMILY:  Girls? Oh you mean your filmic exploits. I know about that.

MAN:  How for Pete’s sake?

EMILY:  Too freaky was it? In too deep? I don’t think so. The police had you by the balls over your films. That’s why you got out.

MAN:  But how did you find out about that?

EMILY:  Kirsten told me.

MAN:  And who is Kirsten?

EMILY:  If you take so little interest in your groomed stars, its little wonder their parents aren’t happy!

MAN:  What does she look like?

EMILY:  Shortish, spiky hair, Kiss T shirt

MAN:  Oh yes. Right snotty cow. Mind you, get that T-shirt off and…

(Emily slaps the man)

EMILY:  Far too much data. What are you doing here?

MAN:  How did all this get out? I didn’t say anything. Did you? What did Kirsten do, go to the paper???

EMILY:  Don’t be a fool. She only told me to score a point off me. She’s like that. She certainly wasn’t proud of it.

MAN:  Oh… so what’s going on? People seem to know about the films. The wrong kind of people. They know I was involved in the Walsh hunt. What has happened?

EMILY:  (Letting go the smug for a moment) I don’t know. I’ve had a stream of messages about it too. A select number of people seem to know all about us.

MAN:  Oh hell, what am I going to do? I’m the Marquis of Hamilton. I can’t have death threats!

EMILY:   Pull yourself together, man!

MARQUIS:  What’s happened to us?

EMILY:  Somehow we seem to have become online stars. (Moving closer) Our live are known. Someone is watching us.

MARQUIS:  Has anyone ever told you, you have a lovely complexion.

(Emily slaps the Marquis and hold him by the chin like a Victorian urchin)

EMILY:   You can leave that at the door. Now listen, I can get you out of this. It’s lucky for you I need friends right now.

MARQUIS:  But you got me into this!

EMILY:  The death threats would have happened anyway. You’re randy and careless. You thought with your knob and now someone has got hold of it. You are going to do as I say. You are going to sell your soul to me. You are going to man up!

MARQUIS:  I’m surprised you haven’t got someone else helping you.

EMILY:  There were two of them. They were coming along nicely. Then a wife got involved. Worst still an aunt got involved.

MARQUIS:  Never a good idea.

EMILY:  They cocked everything up and got away with information I needed.

MARQUIS:  What do you want?

EMILY:  I want it back.

MARQUIS:  Just like that?

EMILY:  Just like that, your Grace. You’ve got my number?

MARQUIS:  Of course (Checking a pocket diary) Ah no.

(Emily scribbles down her number on a Post-It and thrusts it into the Marquis’ top pocket)

EMILY:  I’m disappointed, your Grace. You’ve got to learn to treat women with respect. Starting with Miss Walsh. Now go to it.

(The Marquis goes to leave then Emily pulls him back)

We can turn this round very nicely. Give the public what they want.

MARQUIS:  (Head in hands)  Don’t say that word “public”.

(The Marquis gets up from under the desk, hastily puts his shades back on and makes urgently for the door. Emily also rises from under the desk and relaxes. She faces a middle aged woman at the desk who has been waiting for ages for attention)

EMILY:  Yes, can I help you?

WOMAN:  I’m trying to return this book but the check-in doesn’t work.

EMILY: What makes you say that?

WOMAN: There was no bleep when I put the book under the scanner.

EMILY:  Oh you’ve brought it back haven’t you? Just go “Bleep”.

(The woman looks nonplussed. Emily bursts out laughing, enthused by her change of fortune)

Can you believe him? What is he going to do? That was the Marquis of Hamilton, you know.

(Raising her voice to the room in general)

And I know you know!

(To the woman)

Bleep?

WOMAN:   (Utterly bewildered) Bleep.

SC. 25.  PLAY-ALL-DAY NURSERY. DAY

(The once proud Rook Theatre is now a day centre for pre-school children. Its doors are open and children with their parents are walking in. Its Victorian architecture now looks bizarre with a brightly coloured and sterile interior environment. Just outside the front door is a large oak tree. A bedraggled CB and Darcy lie asleep underneath it. As they pass, some of the parents look on in distain, some with amusement. CB’s slumped form is gently nudged by a tiny hand. CB stirs and wakes. Standing over him is Chloe, a happy looking four year old girl. Standing behind her is Miss Jameson, a perky nursery teacher, who hands Chloe a bowl of hot porridge.)

MISS JAMESON:  (To Chloe) Go on Chloe, don’t be shy.

CHLOE:  (To CB) Good morning. Would you like some breakfast?

(CB groggily raises himself on one arm, taking in his observers)

CB: Breakfast? Oh er yes. Thank you.

(CB takes the bowl)

Who are you then?

CHLOE:  (after a few shy seconds) Chloe.

MISS JAMESON:  (To CB) That’s confidential. You don’t need to know that.

CB:  (To Miss Jameson) Don’t I?  (To Chloe)  To hell with conversation then, eh Chloe. Not to mention “Don’t talk to strangers!”

(CB pokes Darcy awake)

(To Darcy)  Oi come on you, we’re being fed!

(Darcy wakes with even more disorientation)

MISS JAMESON:  (To CB)  Enjoy your nutritious meal, sir. After you’ve finished, just pop in, I have a few forms for you to fill in.

(Miss Jameson ushers a giggling Chloe away and they both go indoors).

(CB digs into his porridge with the provided spoon while Darcy levers himself up)

DARCY:  What happened?

CB:  You already told me. The Tories closed it down.

DARCY:  No I mean last night?

CB:  I think we had a noglet too much under this tree in the wee small hours.

DARCY:  How undignified!

CB:  Never mind, they fed us. That was Chloe, you know.

DARCY:  What is it?

CB:  Porridge.

DARCY:  Revolting.

CB:  Too damn working class for you. And I thought actors worried where the next meal was coming from!

DARCY:  Lidls I expect. Why give us brekkers?

CB:  (Scoffing porridge) Look, it might have been closed down by greedy capitalists but these days it’s been colonised by do-gooders.

(CB finishes his porridge and places the spoon in the empty bowl)

But never mind about that. We have a job to do.

DARCY:  What?

CB:  That plaque, man. You said it was in this building (Pointing at the nursery)

DARCY:  Well I suppose it still is. But won’t it look dodgy if we just waltzed in?

CB :  (Getting to his feet, dusting himself off) Ah no, “Miss” has invited us in. Something about forms to fill in.

DARCY:   Probably some security crap.

CB:  Receipt of porridge. That’s our ticket in.

(Helping Darcy up, CB makes for the front entrance. Darcy follows behind him. They wade through arriving children. A slight bend past the main entrance brings them to the old ticket office. Only its Victorian facia remains. Inside the office are dozens of coloured inflatable balls. Darcy reacts in shock)

DARCY:  Sacrilege!!

CB:  Helium more like.

DARCY:  Poor Jack would turn in his grave.

CB:  Well he certainly wouldn’t be able to sit anywhere. Now where’s the plaque?

DARCY:  Every season we would come up to Jack at this desk and ask him what’s on this season. What can we go for?

CB:  So?

DARCY:  If we liked it, we would kiss the nearest performer.

CB:  Jack remained firmly behind the glass I take it.

DARCY:  Her never left his station. But if we didn’t like what was on offer, we turned at spat behind us – it was a kind of actors’ ritual - and the plaque was put where we spat!

CB:  Quite charming. So that means it’s behind us.

(They turn. Behind them is the plaque at knee level. Unfortunately it is obscured by a boy of three chatting animatedly to an unseen companion. Language unknown)

I didn’t expect a queue.

(Miss Jameson trots towards them, clipboard in hand)

MISS JAMESON:  Coooee! I’ve got the forms.

CB:  (Taking the clipboard and studying the forms attached to it) Oh good. Tell me (Pointing to the boy) Can anyone join in this conversation?

MISS JAMESON:  That’s Christopher and his imaginary friend. They seem to like that corner.

DARCY:  Christopher or his friend? You encourage imaginary friends?

MISS JAMESON:  Oh yes. It increases their social skills.

CB:  (Reading the forms) Tell me, do imaginary friends have to be safe-guard checked these days?

MISS JAMESON:  There’s no need to be facetious!

CB:  You may laugh (Pausing only to look at a not-laughing Miss Jameson)  ..but give it time! (Looking closer at form)  It says here we are persons of no fixed abode!

MISS JAMESON: Yes?

DARCY:  Homeless?

MISS JAMESON:  Yes?

CB: (With disgusted resignation) Oh well, we might as well be, the pair of us. What is this by the way?

MISS JAMESON:  (Proudly) It’s part of Chloe’s Citizenship Merit Profile.

CB:  For the love of Gertrude! She can only be about four!! Does she understand a word of that?

MISS JAMESON:  That’s not really the point is it?

(A gushing young mother suddenly comes up to CB)

MUM:  I thought you were wonderful last night. You were so dominant in the pub. Can’t wait to see what happens next!

(Darcy and Miss Jameson look on amazed. The Mum dances away down the corridor, chatting excitedly to her child)

DARCY:   Well you’re a dark horse. You were wonderful last night, were you?

CB:  I was not! I was humiliated, dirtied and with my feet in a bucket. You were there! I’ve never seen that woman before in my life!

(Miss Jameson takes the completed form on its clipboard from CB, looking unsure of herself)

MISS JAMESON:  Well I mustn’t detain you.

(Miss Jameson taps Christopher on the shoulder and ushers him away)

Come along Christopher, you’ll see Miss Walsh at break time.

(Christopher waves to his invisible friend and allows himself to be led away down the corridor with Miss Jameson. CB and Darcy exchange “Oooh that was a clue” looks then dash for the vacated corner. CB takes out an eye glass and examines the plaque)

CB:  (Reading) “Constance Louisa Patience Walsh. Patron and mother to the Arts, owner of the Rook Theatre.

(To Darcy) She owned you, Darcy!

(Back to plaque) Your legacy feeds the soul and cheers the intellect”. Bit florid isn’t it.

(Swinging round on Darcy)

Dates! There are no bloody dates. You’ve wasted my time!

DARCY:  Now wait a minute

(Marching up the plaque and examining it)

This is new one! Someone has changed it!

CB:  What do you mean?

DARCY:  Look at it! I’d say this was no more than ten years old.

CB:  So the other one was scrapped?

DARCY:  Don’t look at me. I’ve not seen this gaff since the 80s.

CB:  (Getting up in haste) Let’s get out of here. We have some council heads to knock together.

(As the two turn, they face Kirsten, looking astonished at them. She is not the bored, despondent or aggressive Kirsten as before. She is serious and self-conscious. At her heels is a boy toddler)

KIRSTEN:  Oh it’s you. Hello.

CB:  Young Kirsten. What brings you here?

KIRSTEN:  Well (Looking down at the boy) I have a two year old. Emily doesn’t know. She’d get funny with me. You don’t know her. She’d be a cow about it.

DARCY:  Our lips are sealed young lady.

KIRSTEN:  Promise you won’t tell? What brings you here?

CB:  (Pointing to the wall) The plaque down there. It’s that Walsh woman. I thought it might give us a clue to where she is or who she is.

DARCY:  Or even if she is!

KIRSTEN:  (Suddenly frightened) You don’t know do you? You don’t know what’s happened?

(Two more mums pass by, staring at Kirsten, noticing her as if for the first time. They go saucer eyed with recognition. Kirsten flinches)

CB:  What’s wrong?

KIRSTEN:  We’re being watched! Somehow. By the public. Internet I think. It’s gone viral WE HAVE GONE VIRAL!

(Picking up her boy) I wanted Lewis kept out of this. You’re brought them here, haven’t you!! Just go now, please just go!!!

(Kirsten hurries down the corridor with Lewis in her arms, upset. CB and Darcy look gravely at each other then follow)

END OF CHAPTER 8

FACT FILE

Work on chapter eight was heavily delayed by work on a long term book project that was coming to an end. I began planning the chapter in early February 2018 on a week off from work. The legacy of Chapter Seven is the revelation that our protagonists are being watched. I was keen to develop this, with a different example of it in every scene. Scene 25 cheats a little in being set both just outside and just inside the nursery. Were it a stage, the scenery could have easily presented both as the actual area is in close proximity.

With Emily and Kirsten’s story having come to a stop in Chapter Six, I was keen to take them in a new direction so they could still contribute to the story. I thought it was time we met The Marquis who once becomes Emily’s tool. Also to see a vulnerable side to Kirsten as she fears for her own privacy as “Big Brother” – or rather online – is watching them. Miss Jameson is named after the actress Louise Jameson whose first TV role was as a school teacher in Cider With Rosie.

Heavy snow and a couple more days off ensured I wrote the last two scenes at home, finishing the hand written draft on Monday 5^th March. I enjoyed it very much and look forward to the next instalment!