A WOMAN FOR ALL REASONS
BY PAUL CHANDLER AND NICK GOODMAN
EPISODE NINE: SPIN ME ROUND...
BY PAUL CHANDLER
MAIN CHARACTERS
MATTHEW - AN ASSISTANT LIBRARIAN
BOB - A DEPUTY THEATRE MANAGER
DEBS - BOB'S WIFE
AUNTIE ALICE - DEB'S AUNT
EMILY - SENIOR LIBRARY CLERK
KIRSTEN - LIBRARY CLERK
OTHER CHARACTERS - TO BE UPDATED SOON
THE STORY SO FAR:
MATT IS TRYING TO HELP HIS BEST FRIEND, BOB, THROUGH A WRITER'S BLOCK - INVOLVING HIM IN A LOCAL MYSTERY INVOLVING AN INHABITANT WHO APPEARS TO BE OVER-150 YEARS OLD... THEY BEGIN TO PIECE TOGETHER A NUMBER OF CLUES BY SPEAKING TO A RATHER ECCENTRIC LIBRARIAN CALLED EMILY - MEANWHILE, BOB'S WIFE - DEBS - ISN'T COPING SO WELL WITH HER HUSBAND GALLIVANTING AROUND THE TOWN AT ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT AND SHE HAS CONFIDED HER CONCERNS TO HER TRUSTY AUNT ALICE... MUCH TO DEBS'S DISMAY ALICE TAKES A FAR DEEPER INTEREST IN THE WHOLE MATTER THAN HAD BEEN EXPECTED - TRACING BOB AND MATT'S FOOTSTEPS TO TRY AND DISCOVER WHAT EXACTLY THEY HAVE BEEN UP TO!
SC. 26. BOB'S LIVING ROOM, LATE MORNING
(Back at Bob and Deb's house Matt is sitting quietly in the living room, deep in thought - he holds an old school notepad and a biro and keeps scribbling things down every minute or two; occasionally he glances out the window and down towards the back garden. It is very quiet in the house and one might almost think that he was alone - however just then in walks Bob, curious as to what his friend is up to.)
BOB: (somewhat confused)
Where's everybody gone?
MATT: (unsure)
Oh, I dunno... I really don't... I have no idea what's going on around here at the moment... To be honest I should probably go back to my flat and do some washing...
BOB:
Do you have work?
MATT: (not sounding at all guilty)
I'm on leave... It was all a bit short notice - but they were fine about it; they're always on at me to take it or I'll lose it...
BOB:
Same here... Well, there's no need for you to rush off... Hmm... I wonder where Debs is...
MATT:
Did you try calling her!?
BOB: (distracted, slightly ratty, then mellowing)
I did... Of course... No reply... I rather suspect that the ladies have their own mission...
MATT: (sounding a little cynical)
Well, yeah - except their mission originally started out as our mission - but now they seem to have taken it up as their own...
BOB: (curious for his opinion)
They do, rather; but they're not discussing it with us... So, what next?
MATT: (chuckling)
It's war!
BOB: (unsure)
Really?
MATT: (boldy, but with humour)
Of course... If they want to keep secrets then let them keep secrets - we'll just do our own thing and follow up our own leads...
BOB:
Make a competition of it, you mean?
MATT:
Maybe... I suppose so, yeah...
BOB:
Hmm... I'm just worried that things have already got pretty heavy... This isn't a game; you must realise that after what's happened so far... What if the ladies get themselves into trouble?
MATT: (interjecting)
What if WE get ourselves into trouble for that matter ...
BOB: (nodding in agreement)
Which is probably more likely...
MATT: (resignedly)
Well, they don't seem to care much about that...
BOB: (hopeful)
Perhaps they'll change their mind and decide to share stuff in the next day or so...
MATT: (mutters)
I wouldn't bet on it...
BOB: (almost nervously)
Well, no... but... So, do we have a plan or?
MATT: (enthusiastically)
Oh yes... Yes! We have a plan!
BOB:
Thank goodness for that, at least! And what does that involve, may I ask?
MATT: (excitedly)
We're going out on the airwaves...
BOB: (taken aback)
We're doing WHAT!?!
MATT:
Hospital radio, Bob... My friend Tim fills in on a show every Wednesday... Drive-time...
BOB:
Oh... I'm not sure about that, Matt... I'm a bit nervous with speaking... Wednesday is now... Today!
MATT: (not really listening to Bob's concerns)
Yes, yes, indeed... We'll be leaving in about an hour, mate - we're going to broadcast to the nation...
BOB: (surprised)
Do that many people listen to hospital radio? Sick people, I guess...
MATT: (trying not to be too preachy)
No... No... No... You're behind the times, Bob - it's all digital; anyone can listen on the internet...
BOB: (attempting to catch up)
Oh... Okay... And then what? We're hoping that somebody out there might be able to help us with our little problem?
MATT: (confidently)
Yeah... Why not? Somebody is bound to be listening...
BOB: (slightly teasing)
Really? You sound surprisingly sure of that fact...
MATT: (assuredly)
I have a feeling, that's all...
BOB: (attempting a winning smile)
Well, I'm glad to hear it - which hopefully means that you can do all the talking, because quite frankly I have no idea whatsoever as to what we should say or what we're even looking for...
MATT: (concerned)
I hope you don't mean that, Bob...
BOB: (sounding stressed)
My head is in a complete spin, Matt - I've not been sleeping... I can't concentrate...
MATT: (taking charge)
It's fine, Bob - I know you hate public speaking... You just need to come with me for support and I'll say all the important stuff... Come on! Get that coffee drunk - get a slice of toast down your neck - get dressed and then we need to get out...
BOB: (his interest growing renewed)
Alright! Alright... Now I think about it - I have so many questions...
MATT: (pleased)
Good! You can ask them on the way there...
BOB IS ABOUT TO SPEAK - BUT MATT HAS HEADED BACK INTO THE KITCHEN...
BOB: (somewhat confused)
Where's everybody gone?
MATT: (unsure)
Oh, I dunno... I really don't... I have no idea what's going on around here at the moment... To be honest I should probably go back to my flat and do some washing...
BOB:
Do you have work?
MATT: (not sounding at all guilty)
I'm on leave... It was all a bit short notice - but they were fine about it; they're always on at me to take it or I'll lose it...
BOB:
Same here... Well, there's no need for you to rush off... Hmm... I wonder where Debs is...
MATT:
Did you try calling her!?
BOB: (distracted, slightly ratty, then mellowing)
I did... Of course... No reply... I rather suspect that the ladies have their own mission...
MATT: (sounding a little cynical)
Well, yeah - except their mission originally started out as our mission - but now they seem to have taken it up as their own...
BOB: (curious for his opinion)
They do, rather; but they're not discussing it with us... So, what next?
MATT: (chuckling)
It's war!
BOB: (unsure)
Really?
MATT: (boldy, but with humour)
Of course... If they want to keep secrets then let them keep secrets - we'll just do our own thing and follow up our own leads...
BOB:
Make a competition of it, you mean?
MATT:
Maybe... I suppose so, yeah...
BOB:
Hmm... I'm just worried that things have already got pretty heavy... This isn't a game; you must realise that after what's happened so far... What if the ladies get themselves into trouble?
MATT: (interjecting)
What if WE get ourselves into trouble for that matter ...
BOB: (nodding in agreement)
Which is probably more likely...
MATT: (resignedly)
Well, they don't seem to care much about that...
BOB: (hopeful)
Perhaps they'll change their mind and decide to share stuff in the next day or so...
MATT: (mutters)
I wouldn't bet on it...
BOB: (almost nervously)
Well, no... but... So, do we have a plan or?
MATT: (enthusiastically)
Oh yes... Yes! We have a plan!
BOB:
Thank goodness for that, at least! And what does that involve, may I ask?
MATT: (excitedly)
We're going out on the airwaves...
BOB: (taken aback)
We're doing WHAT!?!
MATT:
Hospital radio, Bob... My friend Tim fills in on a show every Wednesday... Drive-time...
BOB:
Oh... I'm not sure about that, Matt... I'm a bit nervous with speaking... Wednesday is now... Today!
MATT: (not really listening to Bob's concerns)
Yes, yes, indeed... We'll be leaving in about an hour, mate - we're going to broadcast to the nation...
BOB: (surprised)
Do that many people listen to hospital radio? Sick people, I guess...
MATT: (trying not to be too preachy)
No... No... No... You're behind the times, Bob - it's all digital; anyone can listen on the internet...
BOB: (attempting to catch up)
Oh... Okay... And then what? We're hoping that somebody out there might be able to help us with our little problem?
MATT: (confidently)
Yeah... Why not? Somebody is bound to be listening...
BOB: (slightly teasing)
Really? You sound surprisingly sure of that fact...
MATT: (assuredly)
I have a feeling, that's all...
BOB: (attempting a winning smile)
Well, I'm glad to hear it - which hopefully means that you can do all the talking, because quite frankly I have no idea whatsoever as to what we should say or what we're even looking for...
MATT: (concerned)
I hope you don't mean that, Bob...
BOB: (sounding stressed)
My head is in a complete spin, Matt - I've not been sleeping... I can't concentrate...
MATT: (taking charge)
It's fine, Bob - I know you hate public speaking... You just need to come with me for support and I'll say all the important stuff... Come on! Get that coffee drunk - get a slice of toast down your neck - get dressed and then we need to get out...
BOB: (his interest growing renewed)
Alright! Alright... Now I think about it - I have so many questions...
MATT: (pleased)
Good! You can ask them on the way there...
BOB IS ABOUT TO SPEAK - BUT MATT HAS HEADED BACK INTO THE KITCHEN...
(The scene begins at a radio station - but we do not yet recognise these characters... We meet Tim, who is the host of the show that Bob and Matt will be going on - Pam is the show's producer...)
TIM: (excitedly)
You know what, Pam - I really can't wait for tonight's episode... It'll be a good one, I think...
PAM: (chuckling)
Hmm... But don't you always say that every week, Timothy dear?
TIM: (resignedly)
Maybe... Maybe... But I mean it this time...
PAM: (bluntly)
It's just our ratings have been dropped quite dramatically of late and I can't help but think that your choice of guests has been partly responsible for this...
TIM: (hurt)
Pam! I'm shocked that you'd say that...
PAM: (trying to reason with him)
Oh - come on... You've got to admit that we've been scraping the barrel a bit of late as far as guests are concerned...
TIM: (still cross)
Well, that's charming, isn't it? When did you last invite a guest on the show?
PAM: (slightly ashamed)
Hmm... About five years ago... That chum of mine from the Teddy Bear Museum...
TIM: (calmer)
Oh yes... I remember him... Edmund something... I think I went to school with him... Still - that was a pretty interesting conversation now you remind me... But FIVE YEARS AGO!
PAM: (attempting to be helpful)
At least I'm realistic enough to realise that nobody else that I know has anything interesting to say... You need to go on social media... Set up a Facebook page or something - get people to suggest interesting people that we can have on the show...
TIM: (prickling again)
Well, if you know so much about it... And what's more - I do still have a day job to hold down; free-lance or not...
PAM: (breezily)
I don't want to start an argument - I know you're busy; aren't we all... I just think that you need to admit that the standard of guests on your show have been pretty poor of late...
TIM: (suddenly remembering)
What about Emily? She was talking about bell ringing - that was only last month ...
PAM: (trying not to sound too critical)
She was trying to crowdfund our audience to pay for the repairs to her frayed bell ropes, if you recall - that's pretty much all she went on about...
TIM: (disappointed/apologetic)
Well... If we can help... I mean at least she showed up... It gave us a show... I did try to steer the questions into slightly different areas of interest - but she kept going back to money...
PAM: (sad/attempting to reason with him)
Nonsense... Accept it; we're behind the times... Have you seen the audience download figures lately?
TIM: (dismissing her)
Oh, I never pay any attention to stuff like that...
PAM:
That's more than clear to everyone... You really should, you know...
TIM: (more level now, but still hopeful)
Well, maybe I should... Anyway... I don't know why you're so worried - I can vouch for the guys that are coming tonight - I've known them for decades; more of less...
PAM: (her interest piqued)
You KNOW them? You never said that...
TIM: (slightly vague)
Yeah... Yeah... Went to college with them - night class - film studies - about 20 years ago...
PAM:
Oh... So is that what you'll be talking about? Old films or something?
TIM:
I'm not really sure, to be honest... We haven't really discussed it...
PAM: (frustratedly)
You invited them as guests - but you never discussed what you're going to talk about? You do know that we start the show in less than an hour...
TIM: (beginning to ramble)
Sure... Sure... Well, originally I had planned just to make tonight's show me reading some of my poems interspersed with a few song choices by listeners - but then I got this email from Matt asking if I had a free guest slot for tonight... I emailed him a couple of months ago suggesting that he come on - maybe with Bob but I hadn't heard from him; he's always pretty busy...
PAM: (coolly)
How accommodating of you...
TIM: (with wavering positivity)
Well, I guess Matt must have something exciting to say if he got in touch like this...
PAM:
We can only hope so...
TIM: (finally losing his temper)
I don't know why you're being like this, Pam - is this some kind of passive aggressive way of telling me that someone somewhere involved in this station doesn't want me here any more; you for instance...
PAM: (remaining relatively calm)
I never said that, Tim dear... But believe me when I say that there are people out there who have an eye on your show - this radio station even; people with ambition and quite probably more money than sense...
TIM: (pushy)
You know something... What's going on here!?
PAM: (cutting him off)
I don't want to discuss it... I should probably leave you to choose your records now...
TIM: (calling after her - still annoyed)
You do know that we went digital about five years ago, right?
(But Pam does not reply - she heads for the door saying nothing - Tim looks distressed)
PAM... PAM!!! PAM!?! HEY... WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
(But there is no reply)
SC. 28. INT. RADIO STUDIO, LATE AFTERNOON
END OF EPISODE NINE
(Meanwhile, Bob and Matt are arriving just outside - Matt is driving and parks in one of the designating parking spaces set aside for visitors to the radio station)
MATT: (apologetically)
I'm afraid we're a little early...
BOB: (positive)
Better late than never, I guess...
MATT:
I'm sorry... Attack of the nerves...
BOB: (surprised)
What are you nervous about exactly?
MATT: (with nervous excitement)
Oh... You know... It's the radio... It's a big deal... I don't want to come over sounding stupid...
BOB: (slightly sarcastically)
Are you sure this is a good idea, mate? I mean - if it makes you so nervous; it can't be good for the blood pressure...
MATT: (not noticing the sarcasm and responding unaware)
No, no... Not at all... I'll be just fine... After all you'll be there to encourage me...
BOB: (distracted)
I hope you don't expect me to say much... I'll nod and smile - but that's about it...
MATT: (taking his turn to be sarcastic!)
Which always works so well on the radio, of course...
BOB: (casually)
Oh well, you know what I mean - I'll make all the right approving sounds and maybe grunt a bit - introduce myself if I really must - that sort of thing...
MATT:
You're a pal, Bob - how WOULD I do it without you?
BOB: (distracted)
I'm not sure you'd notice if I was there or I wasn't - to be honest... Uh oh... I can feel vibrations!
MATT: (surprised)
That's weird... So can I... It's my phone, I think - at least I hope it is...
BOB: (in agreement)
Mine too...
THEY BOTH TAKE OUT THEIR MOBILE PHONES - HOLDING THEM OUT IN FRONT OF THEM - STARING AT THE LIT SCREENS - NEITHER MAN ANSWERS THEIR DEVICE...
MATT: (curious)
Who is it? Debs?
BOB: (with a grin)
Yes! How did you guess?
MATT: (drily, with a chuckle)
How did I guess that it's your wife calling you, Bob? Why! I'm clairvoyant!
BOB: (distracted)
I'm not sure who's calling me... It's a library number...
MATT:
To be fair we're actually really busy right now - we probably ought to go into the station...
BOB: (with a grin)
After all - that's what an answer phone is for... Taking messages...
MATT: (cutting the phone ring off)
DONE!
BOB: (nervously)
Debs is going to kill me... Done! I'm switching it off...
MATT:
Just say you had no reception...
BOB:
If she needs me she knows where I am... She'll probably ring the station in the middle of the show to ask what I want for dinner - just to irritate me...
MATT:
We can only hope... (he nods towards the station) Shall we go in?
BOB: (gingerly)
Go on then... Let's...
AFTER A MOMENT THE TWO OF THEM HEAD FOR THE ENTRANCE - PAM IS WATCHING THEM FROM HER OFFICE, TIM GREETS THEM AT THE DOOR - BUT SOMEBODY ELSE IS ALSO WATCHING FROM THE CAR PARK - FILMING EVERYTHING WITH A PHONE...
MATT: (apologetically)
I'm afraid we're a little early...
BOB: (positive)
Better late than never, I guess...
MATT:
I'm sorry... Attack of the nerves...
BOB: (surprised)
What are you nervous about exactly?
MATT: (with nervous excitement)
Oh... You know... It's the radio... It's a big deal... I don't want to come over sounding stupid...
BOB: (slightly sarcastically)
Are you sure this is a good idea, mate? I mean - if it makes you so nervous; it can't be good for the blood pressure...
MATT: (not noticing the sarcasm and responding unaware)
No, no... Not at all... I'll be just fine... After all you'll be there to encourage me...
BOB: (distracted)
I hope you don't expect me to say much... I'll nod and smile - but that's about it...
MATT: (taking his turn to be sarcastic!)
Which always works so well on the radio, of course...
BOB: (casually)
Oh well, you know what I mean - I'll make all the right approving sounds and maybe grunt a bit - introduce myself if I really must - that sort of thing...
MATT:
You're a pal, Bob - how WOULD I do it without you?
BOB: (distracted)
I'm not sure you'd notice if I was there or I wasn't - to be honest... Uh oh... I can feel vibrations!
MATT: (surprised)
That's weird... So can I... It's my phone, I think - at least I hope it is...
BOB: (in agreement)
Mine too...
THEY BOTH TAKE OUT THEIR MOBILE PHONES - HOLDING THEM OUT IN FRONT OF THEM - STARING AT THE LIT SCREENS - NEITHER MAN ANSWERS THEIR DEVICE...
MATT: (curious)
Who is it? Debs?
BOB: (with a grin)
Yes! How did you guess?
MATT: (drily, with a chuckle)
How did I guess that it's your wife calling you, Bob? Why! I'm clairvoyant!
BOB: (distracted)
I'm not sure who's calling me... It's a library number...
MATT:
To be fair we're actually really busy right now - we probably ought to go into the station...
BOB: (with a grin)
After all - that's what an answer phone is for... Taking messages...
MATT: (cutting the phone ring off)
DONE!
BOB: (nervously)
Debs is going to kill me... Done! I'm switching it off...
MATT:
Just say you had no reception...
BOB:
If she needs me she knows where I am... She'll probably ring the station in the middle of the show to ask what I want for dinner - just to irritate me...
MATT:
We can only hope... (he nods towards the station) Shall we go in?
BOB: (gingerly)
Go on then... Let's...
AFTER A MOMENT THE TWO OF THEM HEAD FOR THE ENTRANCE - PAM IS WATCHING THEM FROM HER OFFICE, TIM GREETS THEM AT THE DOOR - BUT SOMEBODY ELSE IS ALSO WATCHING FROM THE CAR PARK - FILMING EVERYTHING WITH A PHONE...
It took me a while to get down to writing this episode after I'd received episode eight - partly because I was busy with my podcast and partly because about four different books that I had been working on for 2-3 years which all came close to being completed around the same time during the summer of 2018. In the end I finished the third scene on Tuesday 21st August 2018 before sending it on to Nick. I decided that I'd like to set the episode at a radio station because around this time I was reading my poems on our local Radio Wey every other month. The character of Pam was named after Pam Goodman, Nick's mum - because she sadly passed away during the time that I was writing this episode and I wanted to somehow mark that in the script. The end of the episode reminds me a little of the end of episode 1 of Dr Who's Greatest Show In The Galaxy - in which the Doctor and his companion, Ace are about to enter the Psychic Circus - unsure what lies ahead of them; whereas here Matt and Bob aren't quite sure what lies in store within the radio station.
