UNTITLED SCRIPT SERIES - EPISODE ONE

A WOMAN FOR ALL REASONS

BY PAUL CHANDLER AND NICK GOODMAN

EPISODE ONE: OUT OF A RUT

BY PAUL CHANDLER

MAIN CHARACTERS

MATTHEW - AN ASSISTANT LIBRARIAN

BOB - A DEPUTY THEATRE MANAGER 
DEBS - BOB'S WIFE

MATTHEW AND BOB ARE TWO MIDDLE AGED GUYS WHO HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR MANY YEARS... THEIR FRIENDSHIP STEMS BACK TO A SHARED LOVE OF CULT TV AND FILMS - THEY ARE ALSO KEEN WRITERS, ALTHOUGH OF LATE BOB DOES NOT APPEAR SO INSPIRED AND MATTHEW IS CONCERNED BY HOW IT IS AFFECTING HIS FRIEND. TONIGHT THEY HAVE GONE TO THE PUB TO PUT THE WORLD TO RIGHTS AND THE SUBJECT OF THEIR WRITING COMES UP...

SCENE ONE: THE UNRULY PHEASANT PUB

MATTHEW:

Listen... I've had this great idea... You don't have to say yes - well, not straight away - but I do want you to consider it...

BOB:

I'm not sure that I like the sound of this...

MATTHEW:

Bear with me - it'll be fun...

BOB:

Do you want another drink...

MATTHEW:

In a minute... In a minute... Sorry, don't mean to be rude, mate - but I do want to tell you this idea first...

BOB:

Fine by me... I've still got some of my pint - you're the one sitting there with an empty glass...

MATTHEW:

I'd not even noticed - now will you let me speak...

BOB:

Go on! Go ahead! I'm not stopping you...

MATTHEW:

I think we should write something together...

BOB:

Really? What brought this on... You short of ideas?

MATTHEW:

Don't be mean... No, I'm not short of ideas - that's not the point... I just thought it would be nice to write something together - we've done it before - just not for ages...

BOB:

I'm not a charity case, you know...

MATTHEW:

Nobody said you were... But I know you've been wanting to write something...

BOB:

Sure, I'd love to - I've just not had the inspiration...

MATTHEW:

Yes, I know - and it's been a while... Well, anyway - I have a subject that we can both collaborate on and see where the idea goes...

BOB:

It's not one of your daft ideas - with space aliens, talking aspidistra and the like...

MATTHEW:

That never happened... I never wrote that script...

BOB:

I find that hard to believe... Why not?

MATTHEW:

I just hadn't got round to it yet - give me time...  Anyway, that's not the sort of thing I was thinking about... Can I tell you more?

BOB:

Go on then... Yes... But first - I'm going to the bar... We both have empty glasses now...

MATTHEW:

Marvellous! But let me go...

BOB:

But it's MY round...

MATTHEW:

Not any more... I want to celebrate our new writing venture...

BOB:

Oh, go on then... Last of the big spenders!

MATTHEW:

Ha! Same again...

BOB:

I'll have a double...

MATTHEW:

A double lager?

BOB:

Yeah, why not... We're meant to be celebrating, right...

MATTHEW:

Absolutely! Okay, then... Whatever the lady wants... Don't go away...

MATTHEW HEADS TO THE BAR - BOB JUST SHAKES HIS HEAD WITH A SLIGHT SMILE...

SCENE TWO: BOB'S HOUSE - SOME TIME LATER

IT IS NEARLY MIDNIGHT, BUT BOB'S WIFE - DEBS IS WAITING UP FOR HIM, BUSY WATCHING THE LATEST EPISODE OF ONE OF HER BLOOD-THIRSTY DETECTIVE SERIES... SHE LOOKS UP WITH A SMILE AS HE COMES INTO THE LOUNGE...

DEBS:

On your own?

BOB:

Yeah, Matthew's flagging... He says hi though... How are you doing, honey?

DEBS:

Oh... Good... Felicity Muggeridge got impaled....

BOB:

Bad luck, Felicity... WHO is Felicity Muggeridge, by the way?

DEBS:

She's the Mayor's wife...

BOB:

Not in real life, right? On one of your shows...

DEBS:

On one of my shows, yes...

BOB:

What's it called again? THE BLOOD AND GUTS SHOW?

DEBS:

Inspector Lambert Investigates...

BOB:

Oh... I much prefer The Blood and Guts Show - they should re-title it!

DEBS:

Yeah... Right...

BOB:

You must tell me more... Only wait until I'm asleep...

DEBS:

Charming! You want a cocoa or something?

BOB:

It's okay... I'll make it... Do you want one?

DEBS:

Why not? What's up - you look a bit thoughtful about something...

BOB:

It's Matt... He's had an idea and I've said yes and now I'm not sure...

DEBS:

Oh dear... I knew I should have gone with you! It's not another sci-fi convention in some dreary marquee in Reading, is it?

BOB:

No... And I'll have you know that it wasn't half as dreary as you always make it out to be....

DEBS:

Alright, alright - so what's he got you mixed up with this time?

BOB:

He's suggested that we do a writing project together...

DEBS:

So? What's wrong with that - you've been wanting to write something for ages now - it'll be good for you two to have a shared project to work on...

BOB:

Sure, yes... I agree... He wants us to do some research in the local library - he's got some leads about something that happened years ago...

DEBS:

Not the time his granny's cat got stuck in the tree and it made the front page - when was that? 1967?

BOB:

1968... No, I don't think it's that... It sounds a bit mysterious... We're going to meet at the weekend when you're at your sister's and talk over it a bit more then...

DEBS:

Sounds all very mysterious, I must say...

BOB:

Well, yes - I'm not sure where it's going to lead us - but I must say I'm becoming slightly fascinated...

DEBS:

I'd almost say this was a case for Inspector Lambert if only he wasn't fictional...

BOB:

Don't be cruel... Have you been at the sherry again?

DEBS:

I refuse to answer that question...

BOB:

Well, I don't blame you - considering the rubbish you've been watching all night...

DEBS:

Aw! Come on... I'm only teasing... I'm pleased for you! Pleased for Matthew too... That cat stuck up the tree will finally have his metaphorical day in the sun! Matt's clearly identified the dog who chased it up there and wants you to turn the whole story into some kind of sensationalist pot-boiler... Shame they're all dead now - maybe you'll be able to speak to one of the doggy relatives and get some first-hand barking that you can quote in the finished text...

BOB:

I'm not listening... You're just being silly...

DEBS:

No, Bob... I'm serious... Matt  might be due some kind of reparations as a representative of his grannies estate... It might be worth him looking into...

BOB:

You can be horribly sarcastic at times, you know - I'm just glad Matt isn't here to hear you say these things... I'm going to ignore you now and make the cocoa...

DEBS:

You do that... Well done! I'll have a biscuit too... (there is no reply, she continues - still clearly finishing herself very amusing) Hey? Bob... Did you hear me!? I said I'd like a biscuit - why not just bring in the whole barrel...

BUT BOB IS IN THE KITCHEN PRETENDS NOT TO HEAR - HE SHAKES HIS HEAD AS HE SWITCHES ON THE KETTLE - HE ISN'T UPSET FOR HE IS USED TO HIS WIFE'S DAFT SENSE OF HUMOUR...

SCENE THREE: MATT'S HOUSE - NEXT EVENING

MATTHEW IS RETURNING FROM WORK - HE IS STROKING THE HEAD OF HIS CAT, A GINGER TOM CALLED TOLSTOY - WHEN THE PHONE STARTS TO RING... HE ANSWERS IT - THE NUMBER COMES UP AS BOB'S HOME PHONE NUMBER...

MATT:

Bob? What's up? I thought you were working late at the theatre tonight?

DEBS:

He is... It's me... Debs...

MATT:

Hello, dear lady... How can I help?

DEBS:

What are you up to?

MATT:

What? Now?

DEBS:

No... With my husband...

MATT:

What, other than the thirty year torrid love affair?

DEBS:

Goodness... I'm not worried about that... Gets him out of my hair... No... This idea of yours... What are you up to?

MATT:

It's just a project... I'm not sure where we're going with it...

DEBS:

He's acting all distracted...

MATT:

That's good, isn't it? I thought you wanted him out of the house more... This was your idea in the first place...

DEBS:

It was?

MATT:

Yes! Last week when I was over for Sunday lunch... You said he was being restless... You said he was getting under your feet and you wished he had one of his writing projects on the go... Well, now he will... We're working on something together...

DEBS:

But what is it, exactly?

MATT:

Well, it's not about my granny's old cat - if that's what you mean...

DEBS:

Ha! He told you about our conversation!

MATT:

He texted me this morning... You are a joker... Look - I'm hoping to get him out of a rut... We'll do this project together for a few months and it'll get his imagination working again and then he'll start coming up with new ideas of his own and then I can get back to my other projects too...

DEBS:

I do hope my husband's not keeping you from your work, dear!

MATT:

Not at all... I need a change of scene... Daft comedies about vampires do odd things to your brain... This is different... A bit of research on something factual and then we'll adapt it into something of our own making...

DEBS:

I was wondering where that imagination you mentioned came into things... Oh well, you're probably right - you promise not to get him into trouble though...

MATT:

I'll do my best...

DEBS:

Seriously now... What does this "research" of yours entail...

MATT:

I'm not sure yet... Not until we start looking into it...

DEBS:

Hmm... Really? I'm not sure I believe you...

MATT:

I really don't know... Not yet, at least... Look... I've got to go - got to make some dinner and I've a cat here who needs feeding... Catch you later, alright?

DEBS:

Alright...

MATT PUTS DOWN THE PHONE - BACK IN DEB'S HOUSE SHE IS LEFT STARING INTO THE RECEIVER... SHE STILL DOESN'T FEEL TOO HAPPY ABOUT THE WHOLE MATTER...

(muttering under her breath) I'll be watching you Matt Spencer... I'll be watching you!

TO BE CONTINUED...

FACTFILE: The idea for this first part came about around May 2016 and the first draft was finally typed on Saturday 2nd July 2016. As there were two main characters I asked Nick what he would like "his" character to be called - he chose Bob and I chose Matthew. I initially christened Bob's wife - Debs, but Nick is welcome to change that if he has another idea. I also gave Matt the surname of Spencer in this first part. It was written all in one sitting on the morning of Saturday 2nd July.

This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler and Nick Goodman, 2016.