A WOMAN FOR ALL REASONS
BY PAUL CHANDLER AND NICK GOODMAN
EPISODE SIX: FORGOTTEN FRUITS...
BY NICK GOODMAN
MAIN CHARACTERS
MATTHEW - AN ASSISTANT LIBRARIAN
BOB - A DEPUTY THEATRE MANAGER
DEBS - BOB'S WIFE
AUNTIE ALICE - DEB'S AUNT
EMILY - SENIOR LIBRARY CLERK
KIRSTEN - LIBRARY CLERK
OTHER CHARACTERS - TO BE UPDATED SOON
THE STORY SO FAR:
MATT IS TRYING TO HELP HIS BEST FRIEND, BOB, THROUGH A WRITER'S BLOCK - INVOLVING HIM IN A LOCAL MYSTERY INVOLVING AN INHABITANT WHO APPEARS TO BE OVER-150 YEARS OLD... THEY BEGIN TO PIECE TOGETHER A NUMBER OF CLUES BY SPEAKING TO A RATHER ECCENTRIC LIBRARIAN CALLED EMILY - MEANWHILE, BOB'S WIFE - DEBS - ISN'T COPING SO WELL WITH HER HUSBAND GALLIVANTING AROUND THE TOWN AT ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT AND SHE HAS CONFIDED HER CONCERNS TO HER TRUSTY AUNT ALICE... MUCH TO DEBS'S DISMAY ALICE TAKES A FAR DEEPER INTEREST IN THE WHOLE MATTER THAN HAD BEEN EXPECTED - TRACING BOB AND MATT'S FOOTSTEPS TO TRY AND DISCOVER WHAT EXACTLY THEY HAVE BEEN UP TO!
SC. 17. "THE LUMINARY TAVERN". NIGHT.
(The early hours . A lock-in at a very old pub filled with faded theatrical types. The side door opens and in steps Emily, Kirsten and then Bob and Matt. They look too anxious to be obviously tired)
EMILY: A little more relaxed than a police station don't you think?
BOB: What is this freak show?
EMILY: The Luminary Tavern. Home to theatre folks of yore.
MATT: You mean washed out luvvies?
EMILY: If you like.
BOB: So is CB here somewhere?
EMILY: Just so.
MATT (Aggravated) Well lets get on with it and get back to the girls.
EMILY: (Beckoning to the man behind the bar) Graham, where's CB?
(Graham is 60, gay, wiry and wary)
GRAHAM: And who might you be, lady?
EMILY: A friend.
GRAHAM: Of whom?
EMILY: (Rolling eyes) of CB?
GRAHAM: And he is.....?
MATT: (To Graham) Jake Trehere.
GRAHAM: Well why didn't you say?
MATT: Well???
GRAHAM: Oh they stuck him in The Casket.
BOB: The what?
GRAHAM: The room up the stairs immediately to your left.
KIRSTEN: Why Casket?
GRAHAM: This boozer used to be run by Jack the Ripper nuts before Timmo took over. Weirdoes. There's still some of their crap around.
(Pointing to a pitiful severed wax head on a high shelf)
That's Johnny. I wanted to throw him out but Big Bruno fancied him. So he bought the horrible thing.
MATT: Up the stairs you say?
(Graham nods. Bob and Matt race up to The Casket)
GRAHAM: (Raising an eyebrow) Yes!
KIRSTEN: (Following the men) Lets get this over with. This places gives me the willies.
GRAHAM: (Under his breath) What would you know about getting willies, darling.
(Emily follows the others)
Uh -hum!
(Emily turns)
A token of appreciation would be nice.
EMILY: Don't push it. This is an illegal lock in.
(Graham pours himself a Scotch and downs it in one)
GRAHAM: Is there no one conscious at this hour that's any fun!!!??
(In The Casket, CB is sat by a fire with his feet in a tub of hot water. The room is playfully Gothic and old. A tall, coated figure lies in a corner asleep in a rocking chair. A stuffed witch's cat sits opposite. Matt and Bob run in and sit by CB's side.)
CB: Ahh here are the heroes!
(Matt and Bob exchange bemused looks)
Good to see you again. I gather you have quite a story to tell me?
MATT: We were hoping you can tell us.
BOB: You weren't too keen on us being around before.
CB: Oh that. Well, I needed the push to make the break through.
MATT: In that case we're needed elsewhere.
(Matt and Bob get up but the way is blocked by Emily and Kirsten)
EMILY: Now boys, don't be in such a hurry. Don't we all need answers?
MATT: Tell me why my wife and Aunt are with the cops!
KIRSTEN: I was wondering that myself.
EMILY: A charge of assault on CB.
BOB: That's just not true.
EMILY: When he was with you he was conscious. Along came your family and suddenly he's not.
MATT: So you were spying on us.
KIRSTEN: I didn't know what she was doing.
EMILY: Your ladies will come to no harm. I need time to bring you up to speed.
KIRSTEN: My mum must be worried sick by now!
EMILY: Oh do be quiet, child. (To Matt) They were too close. They had seen too much. I want to know how much.
MATT: The power of Shhhush in other words.
EMILY: I like to keep in with the local authorities. Now....
(Sitting opposite CB)
We haven't much time.
CB: You must be Emily. The officer told me about you.
EMILY: We have a common interest in Miss Walsh.
CB: Her vibe rather.
EMILY: (Closer) Is she dead or alive?
CB: Something is alive . It came through Crystal. And it took me!
MATT: It was as if you were channelled...
KIRSTEN: Like a TV?
BOB: No, he means like a ghost was communicating through him.
CB: (Nonplussed for a moment) No, that is nonsense. I was hypnotised!
KIRSTEN: So no ghost? (To Emily) No ghost.
EMILY: Then where is she and what did she do to you?
CB: (Screwing his eyes up in concentration) I'm trying to remember.
(To Matt and Bob) What exactly did happen?
MATT: So you don't remember a bloody thing!
BOB: When you put your crystal set on you had some kind of fit. You waffled something that sounded Celtic, burst out of the door and fell flat on your face in the dark.
CB: (Clutching his bruised face) I thought someone had hit me.
(Kirsten looks accusingly at Emily who gives her her best “Aren't I clever?” smile)
EMILY: (Softly to Kirsten) According to eye witnesses, Aunty held him whilst Debs hit him.
KIRSTEN: Mmmm you could get done for that!!
EMILY: Lets just say there is a mutual benefit.
SC.18. INT. POLICE INTERVIEW ROOM. NIGHT.
(Alice and Debs are sat incensed before an embarrassed young policeman, PC Carr)
ALICE: So its okay for the police to act like kidnappers. At least kidnappers tell you why they've taken you!
PC CARR: Sorry Madam. Senior officer will be with you any moment.
DEBS: (To Alice) They even took my make up bag.
ALICE: Probably thought you'd hang yourself with it. According to the police you can hang yourself with just about anything!
DEBS: Why us and not the fellas?
ALICE: It's that Emily stirring things. I had her number when we first met her. Devious. Don't you worry, love. We have rather more questions for them than they'd like,.
(Chief Superintendent Tavistock enters; a portly tired looking man in his fifties; clearly reaching out for retirement like a man searching for water in the desert)
TAVISTOCK: Morning ladies. I'm Chief Superintendent Tavistock. I shall be overseeing this interview.
DEBS: Charmed I'm sure.
(Tavistock reaches over and switches on a tape machine)
TAVISTOCK: This interview is commencing at 3.30am .
(Debs yawns loudly)
Present is myself, Superintendent Tavistock, Alice Harrison and Debra Tully
(Alice points to Carr)
(To Carr) That will be all officer.
(Carr leaves the room)
(Tavistock's manner relaxes intermediately and he switches off the tape machine. He gives the ladies his warmest smile)
Now then, a little chat off the record I think.
(Debs opens her mouth but Alice puts a cautionary hand on her shoulder)
ALICE: Does that mean we are being tape recorded under the table?
TAVISTOCK: Of course not . And do you think we have the budget for another machine when we still use tape recorders?
DEBS: The technology is out there.
TAVISTOCK: Yes, tell me about what you would use?
DEBS: Never mind about that now. Why are we here?
ALICE: Emily Bradnock. That's why. That madam.
TAVISTOCK: A complaint of assault on one Jake Trehere.
DEBS: Who the hell is he?
TAVISTOCK: You were with him at his railways shack this evening.
ALICE: That was CB. We'd only just met him.
TAVISTOCK: That makes it worse somehow.
DEBS: He was terrorising my husband and his friend. They had a kind of séance apparently . We found him flaked out on the ground outside the shack. Then he went berserk and chased us.
TAVISTOCK: Chased you?
ALICE: Well he set dogs on us.
TAVISTOCK: My men saw no dogs..
DEBS: Well they wouldn't have. It was a kind of illusion.
TAVISTOCK: This is sounding very shaky.
ALICE: So when are we supposed to have battered him?
TAVISTOCK: (Checking his notes) Half an hour later. Apparently you circled round the shack, entered it and assaulted Mr Treherne.
DEBS: How precisely - or did Emily not mention that?
TAVISTOCK: He was lying on the floor in distress at the time. And they were there. Taking pictures.
ALICE: (Truth dawns) Ahh that explains why you took my phone. I understand now.
TAVISTOCK: Circumstantial evidence.
ALICE: (Tightly) But of what?
TAVISTOCK: Now what do you mean?
DEBS: What is CB .. err Mr Treherne doing in that shack anyway? Bit of an odd bod.
TAVISTOCK: He is known to us. Was a theatre engineer until they went computer based. He refused to work with it and they slung him out. Went into railway communication on one of the smaller lines. He was dead weight there too. They gave him that shack in lieu of redundancy. Still picks up work here and there as a repair man. Rather a sad bugger really.
ALICE: Getting back to the point, I'd like my phone back if you don't mind. Untampered with.
(The room door opens and a grim faced PC Carr hands Tavistock a note. Tavistock opens it with glee and reads it with descending doom)
TAVISTOCK: (To Carr) Nothing?
CARR: (To Tavistock) Nothing.
(Tavistock resists the urge to crumple the note and instead folds it aggressively)
ALICE: If you could oblige Chief Superintendent. Before I call my lawyer.
(Tavistock and Alice exchange the loaded stares of adversaries. Alice can't resist a smile)
TAVISTOCK: Wait there...
(Tavistock leaves the room with Carr with an air of undisguised frustration. Debs turns curiously to talk to Alice who puts a finger to her lips and indicates someone or something is listening. Debs mines the operating of a mobile phone and Morse code device. Alice mimes holding a phone, flutters her fingers from the phone to Debs, then mimes pushing a button on the mimed phone and gives a wave. Debs excitedly acknowledges then laughs)
ALICE: You know it may be nearly four in the morning but I doubt I'll sleep. All this excitement.
SC.19. INT. “THE LUMINARY TAVERN”. NIGHT
(All are gathered in The Casket, attention on CB)
KIRSTEN: What's this to do with a little old lady for goodness sake?
CB: I was subjected to hypno-tronic influence via that old set of mine. An attack, maybe a warning.
BOB: If you say so Professor Hawkings.
CB: (Firmly) I'm a scientist!
BOB: You're a chucked out engineer living a railway shack. That's only because the rail yard didn't need it.
EMILY: More importantly did Walsh – for the sake of argument – talk to you?
CB: My mind is blank. Had a thumping headache when I woke and found these two women standing over me.
MATT: Well they didn't hit you that's for sure. We cut your connection.
CB: We've established that.
BOB: Well, Emily has established something completely different. And it's time we got them out.
EMILY: In good time. They are there to keep them out of the way. I need you to knit together what we've discovered.
MATT: (Gesturing to CB) The point, dear lady, is there is nothing to knit with. He can't remember a thing.
CB: I summoned up two ravenous dogs. What more do you want?
KIRSTEN: Where do they fit in though? Why dogs?
CB: (Keen to be of use) I know that Walsh looked after dogs. She was patron of the Dog's Trust.
BOB: So she is communicating all this via medium links.
(CB opens his mouth to speak..)
Or ultrasonics or hypnotics or whatever. Is it a fail-safe?
EMILY: (Excited) And the Boy Scout bit. She was a patron of them too.
KIRSTEN: Loaded this old bird wasn't she!!
MATT: What is she trying to say?
CB: Well those other women might know. The old girl was faffing with her phone. Not sure if she was taking a photo or what. There was a message coming through on Crystal..
BOB: Morse code. They were trying to record it.
CB: I'll tell you one thing, that old girl seemed to twig what was going on. She seemed to recognise something in the message.
MATT: In short all our answers are at the police station not here. Emily, what are you playing at?
EMILY: I told you, keeping them out of the way so we have a chance to collate our information.
BOB: No, there is something else going on here
(To CB) You've had the odd message on Crystal over the years haven't you?
CB: The odd random phrase. Untainted by digital snobbery.
MATT: Like what?
CB: Stuff about looking after things. Preserving them. Worry about change. Institutions mostly. Charities.
EMILY: Come on, come lads . (Indicating) This is the box, think outside it.
CB: She mentioned Mason or Mason's. Is that a shop chain? It came up a lot.
KIRSTEN: Not those weirdoes who roll up their trouser legs and have funny handshakes.
CB: Could be, I guess.
BOB: They're usually made up of top professional people. Judges, politicians..
CB: Not forgetting policemen.
(Bob and Matt look at each other in alarm)
BOB: Not forgetting policemen!!! Of course!
EMILY: Why? What about them?
MATT: (Standing angrily over Emily) The power of Shhh indeed! You sold Debs and Alice out. They have found something the police want a lid on!!!
EMILY: On come on..like what?
BOB: Like Alice's phone. The Morse code. I may be something the police want. The message. Come on, we've wasted enough time.
(Bob and Matt rush out. Before they reach the side door, Matt stops Bob)
MATT: I wonder if they know Alice has sent it to Deb's email?
BOB: If they could just delete it from the phone. Then they'd only have Emily's word it was ever on there.
MATT: (Mock serious) You mean who don't believe in the power of shhhh?
(Bob smiles and they both leave via the side door)
(Back in The Casket, Emily stands furious over CB and Kirsten)
EMILY: I'm surrounded by imprudent idiots!
CB: What do you mean?
EMILY: They will now go and spring the girls before we're ready.
KIRSTEN: But you wanted them to “join the dots up” didn't you?
EMILY: Child, that was on my terms. I am the puppet mistress and my puppets have just buggered off.
KIRSTEN: (Snapping at last) Then bollocks to you, puppet mistress!! It's like a bad dream that won't stop. I'm off home. I've had it up to here with you. You're frigging mental the lot of you. See you Friday.
(Kirsten turns to go then spins back round, brandishing her mobile)
And if you even think of sacking me “old girl” you might consider what I've recorded on my phone. Neville's going to love this!!
(Kirsten flounces off. Emily turns her ire on CB)
EMILY: And you! And a fat lot of good you were. You came highly recommended.
CB: By the Marquis?
(Kirsten bobs her head cheekily round the door again)
KIRSTEN: That's the other thing. The Marquis didn't run because he was scared by a ghost. He knew the police were in on the Walsh thing and he didn't want to them looking into his muck.
EMILY: What muck?
KIRSTEN: Porn! He probed the police so the police threatened to probe him. He shot porn films. Close to knuckle stuff.
CB: Really?
EMILY: How do you know all this, child?
KIRSTEN: Because he asked me to be in one when I was at a “Kiss” gig.
CB: And did you?
(Kirsten cheekily taps her nose before flouncing off once more)
She's not as stupid as she looks, is she?
EMILY: “Not forgetting the police” This is all your fault, you filthy freak.
CB: (Kicking the water bowl his feet are in and sending the water sizzling into the fire) Who the hell do you think you are??? Sending me to snooping strangers. Uninvited. I've never even met you before!!! You play your own game, I'm not helping you any more.
EMILY: (Pointing at CB) You are a little man in a big, big world. I know how big. I work in a library, I know. You'll regret crossing me!
(Emily stalks off at last, slamming the door of The Casket and waking the drunken figure in the rocking chair. The figure groans)
CB: Oh go back to sleep, Darcy.
DARCY: What's the noise?
CB: A jumped up young sleuth. Nothing else.
DARCY: What did she want?
CB: We were trying to track someone down.
DARCY: Who?
CB: We only have a surname. Walsh. She was some kind of local benefactor. We think she is hiding somewhere..
DARCY: Walsh? Not Constance Walsh? She was a big cheese.
CB: Could be. (Suddenly) Was?
DARCY: She was the most amazing support for the local theatre.
CB: Really? Can you introduce me?
DARCY: Don't be absurd old boy. She's dead.
CB: But she can't be.
DARCY: As the proverbial door knocker. I can show you the plaque if you like. Little one by the exit door of the Rook Theatre. Oh no, hang on. No, the bloody Tories closed it down thirty years ago. There's progress for you!
CB: (Helping Darcy to his feet) But is this plaque still there? .
DARCY: Yes. But the whole place is a children's play centre now. So...
CB: So you'll take me there?
DARCY: Well I could ask a few ears...
CB: Now.
DARCY: Be reasonable man, I can barely walk. It's got to be Lord knows when in the morning.
(CB grabs Darcy by the collar)
CB: Now look, you lush, I've gone through hell because of this wretched woman, I need to know what's going on. This could be my first real evidence. Be she alive or be she dead?
DARCY: Have pity on an old man.
CB: I do. Me. And it means I'm one step ahead of that manipulative harpy with her two hacks. Time to go, old man.
(CB trundles Darcy out of The Casket and out of the side door of the Tavern. Without looking up, Graham kisses a pint glass he is cleaning)
GRAHAM: (To glass) Derry's Bubbling Brew. Helping sad losers have fun since 1982. never fails!
END OF EPISODE SIX
I neglected to record when I started writing this chapter but approximately late March/early April. I had not intended to step outside the three scenes per chapter last time and only realised when Paul mentioned it in his notes last chapter. I redressed it here though slightly cheated, treating all scenes in the Tavern as one scene. The main purpose of this chapter was to logically follow through the events of Paul's chapter and also expand on CB and takes us on another turn with a twist at the end. The Tavern was based partly (and certainly physically) on The Haunch of Venison in Salisbury where the Salisbury Operatic Society was founded and many actors are known to hang out. The pub's previous gruesome theme was inspired by the Haunch's history of haunting and its displayed mummified hand. The Morse message is still free to be scrabbled and lead to other things and CB has a lead of his own. I also thought it was high time we discovered what did happen to the Marquis of Hamilton. Ill health over Easter 2017 and other commitments left me drained and unable to complete the chapter for a while, finally finishing up on Bank Holiday 1st May 2017.
