A WOMAN FOR ALL REASONS
BY PAUL CHANDLER AND NICK GOODMAN
EPISODE FIVE: WATCHING... LISTENING IN...
BY PAUL CHANDLER
MAIN CHARACTERS
MATTHEW - AN ASSISTANT LIBRARIAN
BOB - A DEPUTY THEATRE MANAGER
DEBS - BOB'S WIFE
AUNTIE ALICE - DEB'S AUNT
EMILY - SENIOR LIBRARY CLERK
KIRSTEN - LIBRARY CLERK
OTHER CHARACTERS - TO BE UPDATED SOON
THE STORY SO FAR:
MATT IS TRYING TO HELP HIS BEST FRIEND, BOB, THROUGH A WRITER'S BLOCK - INVOLVING HIM IN A LOCAL MYSTERY INVOLVING AN INHABITANT WHO APPEARS TO BE OVER-150 YEARS OLD... THEY BEGIN TO PIECE TOGETHER A NUMBER OF CLUES BY SPEAKING TO A RATHER ECCENTRIC LIBRARIAN CALLED EMILY - MEANWHILE, BOB'S WIFE - DEBS - ISN'T COPING SO WELL WITH HER HUSBAND GALLIVANTING AROUND THE TOWN AT ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT AND SHE HAS CONFIDED HER CONCERNS TO HER TRUSTY AUNT ALICE... MUCH TO DEBS'S DISMAY ALICE TAKES A FAR DEEPER INTEREST IN THE WHOLE MATTER THAN HAD BEEN EXPECTED - TRACING BOB AND MATT'S FOOTSTEPS TO TRY AND DISCOVER WHAT EXACTLY THEY HAVE BEEN UP TO!
SC. 14. INT. BADGER WATCH ENCLOSURE. NIGHT
(Emily and Kirsten are still watching in from the badger enclosure - but Emily doesn't seem to be getting the results that she wants and Kirsten is growing bored.)
KIRSTEN:
So, how long does this movie go on for?
EMILY:
Movie! What movie!?
KIRSTEN:
Sorry... I keep forgetting that this is actually happening in real-time...
EMILY:
You're a child of Netflix, dear - this is the trouble... Think of this as your very own reality TV show - but without all the big prizes at the grand finale...
KIRSTEN:
At least nobody will be releasing a dodgy album of cover versions at the end of this one...
EMILY:
I wouldn't bet on it! I don't trust anyone under 30 not to try and release an album of cover versions to compliment any random event...
KIRSTEN:
Hey! I'm under 30... Don't be mean...
EMILY:
When's the album out?
KIRSTEN:
That's not fair - I've never heard of that being a thing...
EMILY:
Oh, I have... I went to a birthday party for a niece of mine recently and they'd done exactly that... My brother-in-law had recorded an album of him and his friends playing some of my niece's favourite songs on an acoustic guitar with a bongo drum accompaniment...
KIRSTEN:
Oh! You're kidding! Really?
EMILY:
No... I lied... (she pauses) I'm being sarcastic... It actually happened!
KIRSTEN:
Okay! I didn't mean to doubt you! That does sound awful... What kind of songs were there...
EMILY:
Mainly awful ones... The kind of thing that a three year old would like...
KIRSTEN:
That's weird... And how old is your niece?
EMILY:
She's three...
KIRSTEN:
Oh...
EMILY:
But that's not the point... The point is that people do these ridiculous over-blown things for events that really aren't particularly important at all...
KIRSTEN:
Like your niece's third birthday...
EMILY:
Sure... It's important to the girl - to her parents clearly and I suppose it's nice enough for everybody else who was invited - although the birthday cake was far too dry...
KIRSTEN:
I hate dry birthday cake...
EMILY:
Oh, me too... Nothing worse... Well, there is - but nothing worth talking about anyway... I won't give examples or we'll be here all day...
KIRSTEN:
Hey! Why not... It appears we actually HAVE all day...
EMILY:
Don't exaggerate... Listen... All I'm saying is - if, when you were three, your father and his friends had gone so far as to record an album of all your favourite kiddy tunes - then wouldn't you have grown up to think that you were somehow very special - wouldn't you expect the rest of the world to spoil you accordingly? Wouldn't you grow up to believe that you were entitled to something MORE?
KIRSTEN:
I really can't say - I can't remember anything from back when I was as young as three...
EMILY:
That's not the point - I mean, how many three year olds get treated that way? It must affect them...
KIRSTEN:
It sounds like it was more about her father wanting to get the chance to record an album - to give him more of an excuse to hang out with his mates and mess about with guitars...
EMILY:
Hmm... You could be right... My sister can be a bit of a chore to live with...
KIRSTEN:
I suppose it depends whether this is a one-off... The whole album business... If it just happens that once then maybe it's nothing more than a rather sweet piece of fun - but if he does it every year then, yeah - maybe it might leave you presuming that you're a little bit more special than most kids...
EMILY:
Exactly my point... What next? A movie? A party in The Royal Albert Hall!? Actually - I'm surprised this hasn't happened already. My brother-in-law is kind of bonkers - but then I really do think that my sister is largely to blame for all this... Goodness knows what they'll do if she ever gets married - hold the reception up on Mars, with cute martians in tuxedos...
KIRSTEN:
Probably...
EMILY:
Kirsten, are you actually listening?
KIRSTEN:
Kind of half-listening - half deciding that what could possibly be going on down in that shack might actually be more interesting to concentrate on than listening to you talk about your niece... I genuinely concerned that my ears may start bleeding in a minute!
EMILY:
You do realise that I'm your boss... You're being quite rude...
KIRSTEN:
Outside of work you're not my boss - and don't even think about taking this out on me next time we do a shift together... You should be paying more attention - something odd is happening down there... Have a look...
EMILY:
I will do - when I'm ready...
KIRSTEN:
Fine... Hey, whilst I think of it... You didn't bring any air freshener with you, did you?
EMILY:
I will do - when I'm ready...
KIRSTEN:
Fine... Hey, whilst I think of it... You didn't bring any air freshener with you, did you?
EMILY:
Why would I have done that?
KIRSTEN:
It's just so badger-y in here... Can't you smell it?
EMILY:
It doesn't bother me - it reminds me of an Auntie of mine... She used to collect them...
KIRSTEN:
She collected badgers?
EMILY:
China ones, yes...
KIRSTEN:
Somebody has to, I suppose... Hey... Something's definitely going on down there...
EMILY:
What? Alright - budge over - I'm ready now; let me take a look through the telescope...
KIRSTEN:
I just saw a car drive up - it was dark and the doors haven't opened yet...
EMILY: (taking the telescope)
Oh yes... I see what you mean... What a battered old piece of tin... Hmm... Looks like they have visitors - but I wonder who it is?
KIRSTEN:
Want to go find out?
EMILY:
What do you mean?
KIRSTEN:
I'm fed up of hiding away up here - I want to hear every word and considering that we can't afford to bug the place... My hearing just isn't up to it!
EMILY:
You're right! You're right... I forget you don't lip-read... Hmm... What about these new arrivals?
KIRSTEN:
Let's just be careful - it's hardly going to be The Mafia, is it?
EMILY:
Nope... Could be worse...
KIRSTEN:
What could be worse than The Mafia... Other than Donald Trump...
EMILY:
Don't even joke about it...
THE TWO OF THEM HEAD OUT FROM WHERE THEY HAVE BEEN HIDING AND THEIR VOICES DIE AWAY AS THEY DEPART...
EMILY:
It doesn't bother me - it reminds me of an Auntie of mine... She used to collect them...
KIRSTEN:
She collected badgers?
EMILY:
China ones, yes...
KIRSTEN:
Somebody has to, I suppose... Hey... Something's definitely going on down there...
EMILY:
What? Alright - budge over - I'm ready now; let me take a look through the telescope...
KIRSTEN:
I just saw a car drive up - it was dark and the doors haven't opened yet...
EMILY: (taking the telescope)
Oh yes... I see what you mean... What a battered old piece of tin... Hmm... Looks like they have visitors - but I wonder who it is?
KIRSTEN:
Want to go find out?
EMILY:
What do you mean?
KIRSTEN:
I'm fed up of hiding away up here - I want to hear every word and considering that we can't afford to bug the place... My hearing just isn't up to it!
EMILY:
You're right! You're right... I forget you don't lip-read... Hmm... What about these new arrivals?
KIRSTEN:
Let's just be careful - it's hardly going to be The Mafia, is it?
EMILY:
Nope... Could be worse...
KIRSTEN:
What could be worse than The Mafia... Other than Donald Trump...
EMILY:
Don't even joke about it...
THE TWO OF THEM HEAD OUT FROM WHERE THEY HAVE BEEN HIDING AND THEIR VOICES DIE AWAY AS THEY DEPART...
SC. 15. INT. SHACK. NIGHT
Down by the shack - Bob, Matt, Debs and Alice are crowded around the radio which is still giving out a morse code style warble. It seems to have quite a hypnotic effect on CB and a whole rush of emotions seem to flood through him. Matt and Bob eventually break away and are trying to tidy some of the mess made by CB earlier whilst he was swirling around to the sounds on the radio.
DEBS:
Auntie - are you going to tell me what all this means? You seem to have some idea - or am I reading into all of this?
ALICE:
No, no dear... You're not far wrong... Let's say I know but I don't know...
DEBS:
That makes absolutely no sense at all, Auntie...
ALICE:
Well, I know there's some kind of message being transmitted - but I can't honestly say I understand what the message is or who is sending it...
DEBS:
Clearly not CB as he's sitting there looking enthralled...
ALICE:
You're right, Debs - you are... Although I suspect he may know more than we do... He may know who is sending the message - he may even know what they're saying...
DEBS:
And maybe he'll tell us...
ALICE:
Maybe he will - or maybe we can work it out for ourselves...
DEBS:
I thought you said you yourself thought you knew who was communicating this message...
ALICE:
Well, yes... I think I do... That doesn't mean for sure I know exactly who it is... There are things... things that are coming back to me... This all happened a very long time ago... I'm vague about it... But I intend to remember...
DEBS:
Are you sure you don't know more than you're saying?
ALICE;
Quite sure... Well, I'm saying as much as I'm remembering - I suppose that's different, isn't it?
DEBS:
It is a bit, yes...
ALICE:
Never mind, aye... Do you have your phone with you?
DEBS:
I do, yes...
ALICE:
It's one of those modern ones, isn't it? An iPhone... Presumably it has voice memo...
DEBS;
It does... I know that for a fact as I have a voice memo pal in Australia...
ALICE:
A voice memo pal?
DEBS:
It's like a pen pal... Back in the day we used to send each other audio tapes of us chatting - with music interspersed... Anyway, now we occasionally send voice memos?
ALICE:
Why ever don't you just Skype each other?
DEBS:
Oh... We do... Around our birthdays and at Christmas - but she's always so busy... She has... I lose track of how many kids she has... And then there's the time difference...
ALICE:
Very nice dear... So... Where's this phone, then?
DEBS:
Oh... You want it?! Who are you going to call?
ALICE:
Nobody dear... I just want to record a sample of this morse code that is coming out of this here radio...
DEBS:
Oh! Golly... Yes... Sure...
Debs gets out her phone and then passes it over to her Aunt - indicating where the voice memo can be accessed - Alice activates it and the whole room is quiet whilst she records...
CB:
Fascinating! Fascinating!
ALICE: (distracted, beginning to record)
That's enough of that... (stopping it) Email it to me, will you?
DEBS:
Sure...
ALICE:
Now, I mean... Just to be sure...
DEBS:
What's the rush - it's on my phone...
ALICE:
But if you lose your phone...
DEBS:
Oh... Fair enough... It won't take a second... (she takes the phone, clicks on a couple of things, types her email address and sends it) Done!
ALICE:
Thank you! Sorry, love - didn't mean to be bossy...
Debs nods and is about to speak, but then C.B. interrupts.
CB:
Fascinating! Fascinating! FASCINATING!!
DEBS:
Do you really think he understands? Maybe he does a reply back to who ever it is...
ALICE:
Maybe he does... (turning to address CB) Well? You do understand it, don't you? Are you going to tell us what it's all about?
CB:
Can't do that... It's top secret...
At this moment Bob comes hurrying over - he looks a little flustered...
BOB:
We have company...
DEBS:
Tell them to go away, then...
BOB:
I'm not sure they'll listen...
ALICE:
Oh dear... Let me speak to them...
MATT:
They want to speak to us as it happens...
Alice and Debs look up - CB remains oblivious... Matt is standing in the doorway and behind him are two policemen...
SC. 16. INT. LOCAL POLICE STATION. NIGHT
DEBS:
Auntie - are you going to tell me what all this means? You seem to have some idea - or am I reading into all of this?
ALICE:
No, no dear... You're not far wrong... Let's say I know but I don't know...
DEBS:
That makes absolutely no sense at all, Auntie...
ALICE:
Well, I know there's some kind of message being transmitted - but I can't honestly say I understand what the message is or who is sending it...
DEBS:
Clearly not CB as he's sitting there looking enthralled...
ALICE:
You're right, Debs - you are... Although I suspect he may know more than we do... He may know who is sending the message - he may even know what they're saying...
DEBS:
And maybe he'll tell us...
ALICE:
Maybe he will - or maybe we can work it out for ourselves...
DEBS:
I thought you said you yourself thought you knew who was communicating this message...
ALICE:
Well, yes... I think I do... That doesn't mean for sure I know exactly who it is... There are things... things that are coming back to me... This all happened a very long time ago... I'm vague about it... But I intend to remember...
DEBS:
Are you sure you don't know more than you're saying?
ALICE;
Quite sure... Well, I'm saying as much as I'm remembering - I suppose that's different, isn't it?
DEBS:
It is a bit, yes...
ALICE:
Never mind, aye... Do you have your phone with you?
DEBS:
I do, yes...
ALICE:
It's one of those modern ones, isn't it? An iPhone... Presumably it has voice memo...
DEBS;
It does... I know that for a fact as I have a voice memo pal in Australia...
ALICE:
A voice memo pal?
DEBS:
It's like a pen pal... Back in the day we used to send each other audio tapes of us chatting - with music interspersed... Anyway, now we occasionally send voice memos?
ALICE:
Why ever don't you just Skype each other?
DEBS:
Oh... We do... Around our birthdays and at Christmas - but she's always so busy... She has... I lose track of how many kids she has... And then there's the time difference...
ALICE:
Very nice dear... So... Where's this phone, then?
DEBS:
Oh... You want it?! Who are you going to call?
ALICE:
Nobody dear... I just want to record a sample of this morse code that is coming out of this here radio...
DEBS:
Oh! Golly... Yes... Sure...
Debs gets out her phone and then passes it over to her Aunt - indicating where the voice memo can be accessed - Alice activates it and the whole room is quiet whilst she records...
CB:
Fascinating! Fascinating!
ALICE: (distracted, beginning to record)
That's enough of that... (stopping it) Email it to me, will you?
DEBS:
Sure...
ALICE:
Now, I mean... Just to be sure...
DEBS:
What's the rush - it's on my phone...
ALICE:
But if you lose your phone...
DEBS:
Oh... Fair enough... It won't take a second... (she takes the phone, clicks on a couple of things, types her email address and sends it) Done!
ALICE:
Thank you! Sorry, love - didn't mean to be bossy...
Debs nods and is about to speak, but then C.B. interrupts.
CB:
Fascinating! Fascinating! FASCINATING!!
DEBS:
Do you really think he understands? Maybe he does a reply back to who ever it is...
ALICE:
Maybe he does... (turning to address CB) Well? You do understand it, don't you? Are you going to tell us what it's all about?
CB:
Can't do that... It's top secret...
At this moment Bob comes hurrying over - he looks a little flustered...
BOB:
We have company...
DEBS:
Tell them to go away, then...
BOB:
I'm not sure they'll listen...
ALICE:
Oh dear... Let me speak to them...
MATT:
They want to speak to us as it happens...
Alice and Debs look up - CB remains oblivious... Matt is standing in the doorway and behind him are two policemen...
SC. 16. INT. LOCAL POLICE STATION. NIGHT
Matt, Bob, Alice and Debs are waiting in a room in the local Police Station. They are confused, but at least they have tea! Nobody speaks. There is no sign of any Police presence.
MATT:
So, are we under arrest - or what? And if so, what for - trespassing or something?
DEBS:
I don't think so... They never actually said we were under arrest...
ALICE:
They just said that they had some questions...
BOB:
Where do you think they took old CB? I hope they don't think we were having some kind of drug-fuelled party in that shack...
DEBS:
Why EVER should they think that - for goodness sakes? I don't even have so much as a vitamin pill on me.
MATT:
Well, to be fair - CB did look a little out of it...
DEBS:
Maybe he did - but that's nothing to do with us... Let them do a drugs test... I'm drug free...
ALICE:
Yes, dear - as far as I know we all are...
BOB:
I am... What about you, Matt? Did you have your morning bowl of drugs today?
MATT:
Dammit - I knew I'd forgotten something...
ALICE:
No need for sarcasm, boys...
DEBS:
Thank you, Auntie... We wouldn't be in this mess if it wasn't for you two...
BOB:
That's not very nice...
MATT:
I was actually trying to encourage him - to give him something to write about...
DEBS:
Well, you succeeded there...
ALICE:
I must admit, it is interesting...
DEBS:
Auntie! Don't encourage them!
Just at that moment the doors open and a Police Officer stands in the doorway...
OFFICER:
Right... You can go home...
DEBS:
At last! You've kept us waiting quite long enough - and you've not even questioned us...
BOB:
Thank goodness... I need to get back... Tonight's bath night, you know...
OFFICER:
That's as may be - but I wasn't addressing you all... Ladies follow me... Gentlemen to the front desk...
BOB:
Just a minute! You can't split us up like this...
ALICE:
Don't worry, Bob... She's with me... They probably just need you to sign something...
MATT:
I don't much like the sound of this...
OFFICER:
Just be thankful that you're not just still sitting here not knowing what is going on... Ladies...
Matt is confused, whilst Bob looks quite distressed as the Officer leads Debs and Alice out of the waiting room...
DEBS:
Where ARE you taking us?
OFFICER:
We want you to answer some questions...
ALICE:
Just us?
OFFICER:
Just you... Your companions have been vouched for...
DEBS:
They've been WHAT!?!
But The Officer does not reply. Meanwhile, back in the waiting area Matt and Bob are still unsure quite where they are meant to be going - and just at that moment Emily and Kirsten appear in the doorway.
EMILY:
Are you coming?
MATT:
Are we WHAT? What are you doing here? What's going on?
KIRSTEN: (lowering voice)
Emily gave you an alibi - vouched for you - said that you had nothing to do with any of this...
BOB: (shocked)
She did what!? And they believed you?
EMILY:
Let's just say I have contacts - you're one of us, Matt - one of the library team... Have you never used your shhh-ing powers to get your own way...
BOB:
Is she kidding?
MATT:
Errr... I'd rather not say... Listen... What do you want?
EMILY:
For you to come with us... There's an old gent keen to talk to you...
MATT:
CB? (she nods) And he's KEEN to talk to us - he just seemed keen to confuse us earlier...
EMILY:
Keen might not be quite the word - but he's making a little more sense than he was before...
KIRSTEN:
Coffee... LOTS of coffee...
BOB:
I'm sorry - I've had quite enough of these adventures for one day; I'm not leaving my wife...
KIRSTEN:
You really ought to... It won't take long...
MATT:
Why both of us... Can't Bob stay and I'll come with you...
KIRSTEN:
Bob... Come on... You know you want to...
EMILY:
Believe me - it's for the best... So, why not just do as we say... Shut up and follow me!
Matt and Bob are surprised - they watch as Kirsten and Emily head back to reception - shooting each other uncertain glances; Bob shrugs and then the two men follow their guides towards the exit...
END OF EPISODE 5
MATT:
So, are we under arrest - or what? And if so, what for - trespassing or something?
DEBS:
I don't think so... They never actually said we were under arrest...
ALICE:
They just said that they had some questions...
BOB:
Where do you think they took old CB? I hope they don't think we were having some kind of drug-fuelled party in that shack...
DEBS:
Why EVER should they think that - for goodness sakes? I don't even have so much as a vitamin pill on me.
MATT:
Well, to be fair - CB did look a little out of it...
DEBS:
Maybe he did - but that's nothing to do with us... Let them do a drugs test... I'm drug free...
ALICE:
Yes, dear - as far as I know we all are...
BOB:
I am... What about you, Matt? Did you have your morning bowl of drugs today?
MATT:
Dammit - I knew I'd forgotten something...
ALICE:
No need for sarcasm, boys...
DEBS:
Thank you, Auntie... We wouldn't be in this mess if it wasn't for you two...
BOB:
That's not very nice...
MATT:
I was actually trying to encourage him - to give him something to write about...
DEBS:
Well, you succeeded there...
ALICE:
I must admit, it is interesting...
DEBS:
Auntie! Don't encourage them!
Just at that moment the doors open and a Police Officer stands in the doorway...
OFFICER:
Right... You can go home...
DEBS:
At last! You've kept us waiting quite long enough - and you've not even questioned us...
BOB:
Thank goodness... I need to get back... Tonight's bath night, you know...
OFFICER:
That's as may be - but I wasn't addressing you all... Ladies follow me... Gentlemen to the front desk...
BOB:
Just a minute! You can't split us up like this...
ALICE:
Don't worry, Bob... She's with me... They probably just need you to sign something...
MATT:
I don't much like the sound of this...
OFFICER:
Just be thankful that you're not just still sitting here not knowing what is going on... Ladies...
Matt is confused, whilst Bob looks quite distressed as the Officer leads Debs and Alice out of the waiting room...
DEBS:
Where ARE you taking us?
OFFICER:
We want you to answer some questions...
ALICE:
Just us?
OFFICER:
Just you... Your companions have been vouched for...
DEBS:
They've been WHAT!?!
But The Officer does not reply. Meanwhile, back in the waiting area Matt and Bob are still unsure quite where they are meant to be going - and just at that moment Emily and Kirsten appear in the doorway.
EMILY:
Are you coming?
MATT:
Are we WHAT? What are you doing here? What's going on?
KIRSTEN: (lowering voice)
Emily gave you an alibi - vouched for you - said that you had nothing to do with any of this...
BOB: (shocked)
She did what!? And they believed you?
EMILY:
Let's just say I have contacts - you're one of us, Matt - one of the library team... Have you never used your shhh-ing powers to get your own way...
BOB:
Is she kidding?
MATT:
Errr... I'd rather not say... Listen... What do you want?
EMILY:
For you to come with us... There's an old gent keen to talk to you...
MATT:
CB? (she nods) And he's KEEN to talk to us - he just seemed keen to confuse us earlier...
EMILY:
Keen might not be quite the word - but he's making a little more sense than he was before...
KIRSTEN:
Coffee... LOTS of coffee...
BOB:
I'm sorry - I've had quite enough of these adventures for one day; I'm not leaving my wife...
KIRSTEN:
You really ought to... It won't take long...
MATT:
Why both of us... Can't Bob stay and I'll come with you...
KIRSTEN:
Bob... Come on... You know you want to...
EMILY:
Believe me - it's for the best... So, why not just do as we say... Shut up and follow me!
Matt and Bob are surprised - they watch as Kirsten and Emily head back to reception - shooting each other uncertain glances; Bob shrugs and then the two men follow their guides towards the exit...
END OF EPISODE 5
I had Nick's script for Episode 4 for a couple of weeks before I got a chance to read it - which I eventually had time to do on Tuesday 25th October 2016. My ideas for episode 5 came quite quickly - scene by scene. Nick had allowed himself 4 scenes rather than 3 in episode 4 (it's okay, it's allowed - there are no rules!), but I decided to return to a 3 scene episode. The next problem - having worked out my scenes and a rough plot-line - was when to actually write my episode to fit around other distractions. I had hoped to get a bit of time when I was away in Venice for my birthday between the 6th and the 11th of November - but that time just flew and I didn't get a chance to write anything. In the end I didn't get to flesh out these ideas until after the New Year when I actually finished the first scene and completed the final two scenes in just a matter of days during breaks at work in mid to late February; giving it one final look-over on Friday 24th February 2017. I'm really interested to see where the story goes next...
This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler / Nick Goodman 2017.
This post and all contents are Copyright Paul Chandler / Nick Goodman 2017.
